Difference between revisions of "User:Asbestosstar"

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I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
 
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
 +
 +
 +
== he roars a mighty roar ==
 +
 +
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{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
 +
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But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only
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be broken by love's first kiss.
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She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing
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dragon.
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Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,
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 +
but non prevailed.
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She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest
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tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.
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{Laughing}
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Like that's ever gonna happen.
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{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}
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What a load of -
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Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
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I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
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She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
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In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
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The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
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Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'
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Didn't make sense not to live for fun
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Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
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So much to do so much to see
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So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
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You'll never know if you don't go
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You'll never shine if you don't glow
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Hey, now You're an all-star
 +
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Get your game on, go play
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Hey, now You're a rock star
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Get the show on, get paid
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And all that glitters is gold
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Only shootin' stars break the mold
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It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
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You're bundled up now but wait till you get older
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But the meteor men beg to differ
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Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
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The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
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The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
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My world's on fire
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How 'bout yours
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That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
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Hey, now, you're an all-star
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{Shouting}
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Get your game on, go play
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Hey, now You're a rock star
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Get the show on, get paid
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And all that glitters is gold
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Only shootin' stars break the mold
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{Belches}
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Go!
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Go!
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{Record Scratching}
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Go. Go.Go.
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Hey, now, you're an all-star
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Get your game on, go play
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Hey, now You're a rock star
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Get the show on, get paid
 +
 +
And all that glitters is gold
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Only shootin' stars break the mold
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 +
 +
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-Think it's in there?
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-All right. Let's get it!
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-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
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-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
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{Laughs}
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-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
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Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
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They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
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-No!
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-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
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Actually, it's quite good on toast.
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-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
 +
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{Gasping}
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-Right.
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{Roaring}
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{Shouting}
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{Roaring}
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{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
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{Gasping}
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{Laughs}
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{Laughing} And stay out!
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"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
 +
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{Sighs}
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{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
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-Take it away!
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{Gasps}
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-Move it along. Come on! Get up!
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-Next!
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-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
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That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
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-Get up! Come on!
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-Twenty pieces.
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{Thudding}
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-Sit down there!
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-Keep quiet!
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{Crying}
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-This cage is too small.
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-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
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I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
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-Oh, shut up.
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-Oh!
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-Next!
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-What have you got?
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-This little wooden puppet.
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-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
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-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
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-Father, please! Don't let them do this!
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-Help me!
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-Next! What have you got?
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-Well, I've got a talking donkey.
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{Grunts}
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-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
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-Oh, go ahead, little fella.
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-Well?
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-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.
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He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -
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-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
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-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
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I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
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-Get her out of my sight.
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-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
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{Gasps}
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-Hey! I can fly!
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-He can fly!
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-He can fly!
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-He can talk!
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-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
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You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
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but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
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Oh-oh.
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{Grunts}
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-Seize him!
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-After him! He's getting away!
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{Grunts, Gasps}
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{Man}
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-Get him! This way! Turn!
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-You there. Orge!
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-Aye?
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-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under
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arrest
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and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.
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-Oh, really? You and what army?
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{Gasps, Whimpering}
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{Chuckles}
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-Can I say something to you?
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-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.
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Incredible!
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Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!
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-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great
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back here? Those guards!
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They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They
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was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made
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me feel good to see that.
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-Oh, that's great. Really.
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-Man, it's good to be free.
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-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?
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Hmm?
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-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by
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myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
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You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit
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out of anybody that crosses us.
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{Roaring}
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-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that
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don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you
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definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!
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You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -
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{Mumbling}
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Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my
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butt that day.
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-Why are you following me?
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-I'll tell you why.
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'Cause I'm all alone
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There's no one here beside me
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My promlems have all gone
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There's no one to deride me
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But you gotta heve friends - -
 +
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-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
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-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
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-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
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-Uh - - Really tall?
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-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't
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that bother you?
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-Nope.
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-Really?
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-Really, really.
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-Oh.
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-Man, I like you. What's you name?
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-Uh, Shrek.
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-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
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You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.
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I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.
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Who'd want to live in place like that?
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-That would be my home.
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-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a
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decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I
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like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
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-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
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-I like my privacy.
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-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I
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hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them
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a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
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-Can I stay with you?
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-Uh, what?
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-Can I stay with you, please?
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-Of course!
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-Really?
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-No.
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-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to
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be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta
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stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
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-Okay! Okay! But one night only.
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-Ah! Thank you!
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-What are you - - No! No!
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-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
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and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
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-Oh!
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-Where do, uh, I sleep?
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-Outside!
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-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you
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don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.
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{Sniffles}
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-Here I go.
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-Good night.
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{Sighs}
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-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
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I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,
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outside.
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I'm all alone
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There's no one here beside me
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{Bubbling}
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{Sighs}
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{Creaking}
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{Sighs}
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-I thought I told you to stay outside.
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-I'm outside.
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{Clattering}
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-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we
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have?
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-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.
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-What a lovely bed.
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-Got ya.
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{Sniffs} I found some cheese.
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-Ow! {Grunts}
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-Blah! Awful stuff.
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-Is that you, Gorder?
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-How did you know?
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-Enough! What are you doing in my house?
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{Grunts}
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-Hey!
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{Snickers}
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-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
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-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
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-Huh?
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{Gusps}
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{Male voice} What?
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-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I
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have to do get a little privacy?
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-Aah!
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-Oh, no. No! No!
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{Cackling}
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-What?
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-Quit it.
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-Don't push.
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{Squeaking}
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{Lows}
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- What are you doing in my swamp?
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{Echoing}
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Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!
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{Gasping}
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-Oh, dear!
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-Whoa!
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-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!
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Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
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-Quickly. Come on!
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-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
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-Oh!
 +
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{Sighs}
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-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
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-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
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-What?
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-We were forced to come here.
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-By who?
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-Lord Farquaad.
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-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.
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{Sighs}
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-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
 +
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{Murmuring}
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-Oh, I do. I know where he is.
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-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
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-Me! Me!
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-Anyone?
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-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
 +
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{Sighs}
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-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.
 +
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Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy
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Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came
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from!
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{Cheering}
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{Twittering}
 +
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-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
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- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two
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stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
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-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.
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-Hey. Oh, oh!
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-I can't wait to get on the road again.
 +
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-What did I say about singing?
 +
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-Can I whistle?
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-No.
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-Can I hum it?
 +
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-All right, hum it.
 +
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{Humming}
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{Grunts}
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{Whimpering}
 +
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-That's enough. He's ready to talk.
 +
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{Coughing}
 +
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{Laughing}
 +
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{Clears throat}
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-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the
 +
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gingerbread man!
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-You are a monster.
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 +
-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy
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tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the
 +
 +
others?
 +
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-Eat me!{Grunts}
 +
 +
-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached
 +
 +
its end! Tell me or I'll - -
 +
 +
-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
 +
 +
-All right then. Who's hiding them?
 +
 +
-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
 +
 +
-The muffin man?
 +
 +
-The muffin man.
 +
 +
-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
 +
 +
-Well, she's married to the muffin man.
 +
 +
-The muffin man?
 +
 +
-The muffin man!
 +
 +
-She's married to the muffin man.
 +
 +
{Door opens}
 +
 +
-My lord! We found it.
 +
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-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
 +
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{Man grunting}
 +
 +
{Gasping}
 +
 +
-Oh!
 +
 +
-Magic mirror - -
 +
 +
-Don't tell him anything!
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
{Ginerbread man whispers}
 +
 +
-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect
 +
 +
kingdom of them all?
 +
 +
-Well, technically you're not a king.
 +
 +
-Uh, Thelonius.
 +
 +
-You were saying?
 +
 +
-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All
 +
 +
you have to do is marry a princess.
 +
 +
-Go on.
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to
 +
 +
meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette
 +
 +
number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
 +
 +
She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking
 +
 +
and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
 +
 +
-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of
 +
 +
fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just
 +
 +
kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come
 +
 +
on. Give it up for Snow White!
 +
 +
-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a
 +
 +
fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling
 +
 +
lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes
 +
 +
pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,
 +
 +
Princess Fiona!
 +
 +
-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or
 +
 +
bachelorette number three?
 +
 +
-Two! Two!
 +
 +
-Three! Three!
 +
 +
-Two! Two!
 +
 +
-Three!
 +
 +
-Three? One?
 +
 +
{Shudders} Three?
 +
 +
--Three! Pick number three, my lord!
 +
 +
-Okay, okay, uh, number three!
 +
 +
-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
 +
 +
 +
 +
If you like pina coladas
 +
 +
And getting caught in the rain
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Princess Fiona.
 +
 +
 +
 +
If you're not into yoga
 +
 +
 +
 +
-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -
 +
 +
-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
 +
 +
-I'll do it.
 +
 +
-Yes, but after sunset - -
 +
 +
-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will
 +
 +
finally have the perfect king!
 +
 +
Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
 +
 +
 +
 +
-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd
 +
 +
find it.
 +
 +
-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
 +
 +
-Uh-huh. That's the place.
 +
 +
-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
{Groans}
 +
 +
-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
 +
 +
-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
 +
 +
-Hey, you!
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
 +
 +
{Whimpering}
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
{Whimpering, Groans}
 +
 +
{Turnstile clatters}
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-It's quiet. Too quiet.
 +
 +
{Creaking}
 +
 +
-Where is everybody?
 +
 +
-Hey, look at this!
 +
 +
{Clattering, whirring, clicking}
 +
 +
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
 +
 +
Here we have some rules
 +
 +
Let us lay them down
 +
 +
Don't make waves, stay in line
 +
 +
And we'll get along fine
 +
 +
DuLoc is perfect place
 +
 +
Please keep off of the grass
 +
 +
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
 +
 +
DuLoc is, DuLoc is
 +
 +
DuLoc is perfect ...... place
 +
 +
{Camera shutter clicks
 +
 +
{Whirring}
 +
 +
-Wow! Let's do that again!
 +
 +
-No. No. No, no, no! No.
 +
 +
{Trumpet fanfare}
 +
 +
{Crowd cheering}
 +
 +
-Brave knights.
 +
 +
-You are the best and brightest in all the land.
 +
 +
-Today one of you shall prove himself - -
 +
 +
-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
 +
 +
-Sorry about that.
 +
 +
{Cheering}
 +
 +
-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go
 +
 +
forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the
 +
 +
dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
 +
 +
runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae
 +
 +
die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
 +
 +
{Cheering}
 +
 +
-Let the tournament begin!
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Oh!
 +
 +
-What is that?
 +
 +
{Gasping}
 +
 +
-It's hideous!
 +
 +
-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
 +
 +
-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named
 +
 +
champion! Have it him!
 +
 +
-Get him!
 +
 +
-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
 +
 +
-Go ahead! Get him!
 +
 +
-Can't we just settle this over a pint?
 +
 +
-Kill the beast!
 +
 +
-No? All right then. Come on!
 +
 +
 +
 +
I don't give a damn about my reputation
 +
 +
You're living in the past
 +
 +
It's a new generation
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Damn!
 +
 +
{Whinnying}
 +
 +
 +
 +
A girl can do what she wants to do
 +
 +
And that's what I'm gonna do
 +
 +
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
 +
 +
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
 +
 +
Me, me, me
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
 +
 +
 +
 +
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
 +
 +
Never said I wanted to improve my station
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Ah!
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
 +
 +
And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Yeah!
 +
 +
 +
 +
And I don't have to please no one
 +
 +
 +
 +
-The chair! Give him the chair!
 +
 +
 +
 +
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
 +
 +
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
 +
 +
Me, me, me
 +
 +
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me
 +
 +
{Bell dings}
 +
 +
{Cheering}
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till
 +
 +
Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
 +
 +
{Shrek laughs}
 +
 +
{Crowd gasping, murmuring}
 +
 +
-Shall I give the order, sir?
 +
 +
-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great
 +
 +
and noble quest.
 +
 +
-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
 +
 +
-Your swamp?
 +
 +
-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!
 +
 +
{Crowd murmuring}
 +
 +
-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for
 +
 +
me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
 +
 +
-Exactly the way it was?
 +
 +
-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
 +
 +
-And the squatters?
 +
 +
-As good as gone.
 +
 +
-What kind of quest?
 +
 +
-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a
 +
 +
princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only
 +
 +
don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.
 +
 +
-Is that about right?
 +
 +
-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
 +
 +
-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on
 +
 +
him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make
 +
 +
your bread, the whole orge trip.
 +
 +
-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and
 +
 +
put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and
 +
 +
drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
 +
 +
-Uh, no, not really, no.
 +
 +
-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.
 +
 +
-Example?
 +
 +
-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.
 +
 +
-{Sniffs} They stink?
 +
 +
-Yes - - No!
 +
 +
-They make you cry?
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little
 +
 +
white hairs.
 +
 +
-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have
 +
 +
layers. You get it? We both have layers.
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes
 +
 +
onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
 +
 +
-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.
 +
 +
-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a
 +
 +
person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like
 +
 +
no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
 +
 +
-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like
 +
 +
onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
 +
 +
-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
 +
 +
-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or
 +
 +
something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start
 +
 +
slobbering.
 +
 +
 +
 +
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
 +
 +
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
 +
 +
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
 +
 +
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
 +
 +
And everything that you receive up yonder
 +
 +
Is what you give to me the day I wander
 +
 +
I'm on my way
 +
 +
I'm on my way
 +
 +
I'm on my way
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
 +
 +
-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was
 +
 +
open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's
 +
 +
brimstone We must be getting close.
 +
 +
-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I
 +
 +
know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone
 +
 +
neither.
 +
 +
{Rumbling}
 +
 +
-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
 +
 +
{Laughing}
 +
 +
-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?
 +
 +
-Oh, aye.
 +
 +
-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have
 +
 +
layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
 +
 +
-Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves.
 +
 +
-You know what I mean.
 +
 +
-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
 +
 +
-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over
 +
 +
a boiling like of lava!
 +
 +
-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional
 +
 +
support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step
 +
 +
at a time.
 +
 +
-Really?
 +
 +
-Really, really.
 +
 +
-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
 +
 +
-Just keep moving. And don't look  down.
 +
 +
-Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on
 +
 +
moving. Don't look  down.
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,
 +
 +
please!
 +
 +
-But you're already halfway.
 +
 +
-But I know that half is safe!
 +
 +
-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
 +
 +
-Shrek, no! Wait!
 +
 +
-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?
 +
 +
-Don't do that!
 +
 +
-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
 +
 +
-Oh, this?
 +
 +
-Yes, that!
 +
 +
-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
 +
 +
-You said do it! I'm doin' it.
 +
 +
-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
 +
 +
-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
 +
 +
-Cool.
 +
 +
-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
 +
 +
-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
 +
 +
{Water dripping, wind howling}
 +
 +
-You afraid?
 +
 +
-No.
 +
 +
-But - -
 +
 +
- Shh.
 +
 +
-Oh, good. Me neither.
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
 +
 +
response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I
 +
 +
might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and
 +
 +
breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little
 +
 +
scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if
 +
 +
you can find any stairs.
 +
 +
-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
 +
 +
-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest
 +
 +
tower.
 +
 +
-What makes you think she'll be there?
 +
 +
-I read it in a book once.
 +
 +
-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those
 +
 +
stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way
 +
 +
they're goin'.
 +
 +
{Creacing}
 +
 +
-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with
 +
 +
me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a
 +
 +
step right here. I'd step all over it.
 +
 +
-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -
 +
 +
-Dragon!
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
-Donkey, look out!
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
{Whimpering}
 +
 +
-Got ya!
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
{Shouts}
 +
 +
-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
 +
 +
{Screaming}
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Oh! Aah! Aah!
 +
 +
{Gasping}
 +
 +
{Crowls}
 +
 +
-No. Oh, no, No!
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
-Oh, what large teeth you have.
 +
 +
{Crowls}
 +
 +
-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time
 +
 +
from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile
 +
 +
you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know
 +
 +
what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of
 +
 +
course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
 +
 +
What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.
 +
 +
Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -
 +
 +
(Coughs)
 +
 +
-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna
 +
 +
blow smoke rings. Shrek!
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
{Whimpering}
 +
 +
-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
 +
 +
{Groans, Sighs}
 +
 +
{Vocalizing}
 +
 +
-Oh! Oh!
 +
 +
-Wake up!
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-Are you Princess Fiona?
 +
 +
-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
 +
 +
-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
 +
 +
-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be
 +
 +
a wonderful, romantic moment?
 +
 +
-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
 +
 +
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out
 +
 +
yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
 +
 +
-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
 +
 +
-Mm-hmm.
 +
 +
{Screams, grunts}
 +
 +
-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for
 +
 +
me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
 +
 +
-I don't think so.
 +
 +
-Can I at least know the name of my champion?
 +
 +
-Um, Shrek.
 +
 +
-Sir Shrek.
 +
 +
{Cleans throat}
 +
 +
-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
 +
 +
-Thanks!
 +
 +
{Roaring}
 +
 +
-You didn't slay the dragon?
 +
 +
-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,
 +
 +
banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.
 +
 +
-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
 +
 +
-That's not the point. Oh!
 +
 +
-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.
 +
 +
-Well, I have to save my ass.
 +
 +
-What kind of knight are you?
 +
 +
-One of a kind.
 +
 +
-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to
 +
 +
know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not
 +
 +
emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really
 +
 +
is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted
 +
 +
physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back
 +
 +
up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to
 +
 +
know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,
 +
 +
but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - -
 +
 +
Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna
 +
 +
tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with
 +
 +
that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
 +
 +
{Growls}
 +
 +
{Roaring}
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Hi, Princess!
 +
 +
-It talks!
 +
 +
-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
{Screaming}
 +
 +
-Oh!
 +
 +
{Thuds}
 +
 +
{Groans}
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
{Roaring}
 +
 +
-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.
 +
 +
{Fchoing}
 +
 +
-Run!
 +
 +
{Gasping}
 +
 +
{Screaming}
 +
 +
{Roaring}
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
{Panting, sighs}
 +
 +
{Whimpers}
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
-You did it!
 +
 +
-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.
 +
 +
You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and
 +
 +
thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
 +
 +
{Clears throat}
 +
 +
-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
 +
 +
-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a
 +
 +
steed.
 +
 +
-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
 +
 +
-Uh, no.
 +
 +
-Why not?
 +
 +
-I have helmet hair.
 +
 +
-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
 +
 +
-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
 +
 +
-But how will you kiss me?
 +
 +
-What? That wasn't in the job description.
 +
 +
-Maybe it's a perk.
 +
 +
-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in
 +
 +
a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then
 +
 +
they share true love's first kiss.
 +
 +
-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you
 +
 +
true love?
 +
 +
-Well, yes.
 +
 +
{Laughing}
 +
 +
-You think Shrek is your true love!
 +
 +
-What is so funny?
 +
 +
-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?
 +
 +
-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your
 +
 +
helmet.
 +
 +
-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
 +
 +
-Just take off the helmet.
 +
 +
-I'm not going to.
 +
 +
-Take ot off.
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
-Now!
 +
 +
-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
 +
 +
-You- - You're a- - an orge.
 +
 +
-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
 +
 +
-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed
 +
 +
to be an orge.
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the
 +
 +
one who wants to marry you.
 +
 +
-Then why didn't he come rescue me?
 +
 +
-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
 +
 +
-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -
 +
 +
his pet.
 +
 +
-So much for noble steed.
 +
 +
-You're not making my job any easier.
 +
 +
-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad
 +
 +
that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right
 +
 +
here.
 +
 +
-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
 +
 +
-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
 +
 +
-Ya comin', Donkey?
 +
 +
-I'm right behind ya.
 +
 +
-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not
 +
 +
dignified! Put me down!
 +
 +
-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,
 +
 +
right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down
 +
 +
real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a
 +
 +
crisp and eaten?
 +
 +
-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what
 +
 +
happens when you find your - -  Hey!
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
 +
 +
-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
 +
 +
-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
 +
 +
-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in
 +
 +
short supply.
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
 +
 +
-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never
 +
 +
measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
 +
 +
-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the
 +
 +
"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
 +
 +
-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
 +
 +
-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
 +
 +
-But there's robbers in the woods.
 +
 +
-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.
 +
 +
-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this
 +
 +
forest.
 +
 +
-I need to find somewhere to camp now!
 +
 +
{Birds wings fluttering}
 +
 +
{Grunting}
 +
 +
-Hey! Over here.
 +
 +
-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a
 +
 +
princess.
 +
 +
-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
 +
 +
-Homey touches? Like what?
 +
 +
{Crashing}
 +
 +
-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
 +
 +
-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
 +
 +
-I said good night!
 +
 +
-Shrek, What are you doing?
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
 +
 +
{Fire cracking}
 +
 +
-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over
 +
 +
three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.
 +
 +
-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
 +
 +
-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,
 +
 +
there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
 +
 +
-I know you're making this up.
 +
 +
-No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away
 +
 +
from his stench.
 +
 +
-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
 +
 +
-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?
 +
 +
Forget it.
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
 +
 +
-Our swamp?
 +
 +
-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
 +
 +
-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my
 +
 +
swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my
 +
 +
land.
 +
 +
-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what
 +
 +
I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody
 +
 +
out.
 +
 +
-No, do ya think?
 +
 +
-Are you hidin' something?
 +
 +
-Never mind, Donkey.
 +
 +
-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
 +
 +
-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.
 +
 +
-Why don't you want to talk about it?
 +
 +
-Why do you want to talk about it?
 +
 +
-Why are you blocking?
 +
 +
-I'm not blocking.
 +
 +
-Oh, yes, you are.
 +
 +
-Donkey, I'm warning you.
 +
 +
-Who you trying to keep out?
 +
 +
-Everyone! Okay?
 +
 +
-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
 +
 +
-Oh! For the love of Pete!
 +
 +
-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?
 +
 +
-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that
 +
 +
seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.
 +
 +
"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they
 +
 +
even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
 +
 +
-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,
 +
 +
stupid, ugly orge.
 +
 +
-Yeah, I know.
 +
 +
-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
 +
 +
-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
 +
 +
-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one
 +
 +
there?
 +
 +
-That's the moon.
 +
 +
-Oh, okay.
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Orchestra}
 +
 +
{Dulcimer}
 +
 +
-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the
 +
 +
princess.
 +
 +
-Hmph.
 +
 +
-Ah. Perfect.
 +
 +
{Inhales}
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Snoring}
 +
 +
{Vocalizing}
 +
 +
{Whistling}
 +
 +
{Sizzling}
 +
 +
{Sniffs, yawns}
 +
 +
-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
 +
 +
--Come on, baby. I said I like it.
 +
 +
-Donkey, wake up.
 +
 +
-Huh? What?
 +
 +
-Wake up.
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?
 +
 +
-Good morning, Princess!
 +
 +
-What's all this about?
 +
 +
-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to
 +
 +
make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.
 +
 +
-Uh, thanks.
 +
 +
{Sniffs}
 +
 +
-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
 +
 +
{Belches}
 +
 +
-Shrek!
 +
 +
-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}
 +
 +
-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
 +
 +
{Belches}
 +
 +
-Thanks.
 +
 +
-She's as nasty as you are.
 +
 +
-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
 +
 +
-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
 +
 +
{Vocalizing}
 +
 +
 +
 +
-La liberte! Hey!
 +
 +
-Princess!
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
-What are you doing?
 +
 +
-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from
 +
 +
this green - -
 +
 +
{Kissing sounds}
 +
 +
-beast.
 +
 +
-Hey!
 +
 +
-That's my princess! Go find you own!
 +
 +
-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
 +
 +
-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!
 +
 +
-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry
 +
 +
Men.
 +
 +
{Laughs}
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Accordion}
 +
 +
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
 +
 +
I steal from the rich and give to the needy.
 +
 +
He takes a wee percentage,
 +
 +
But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels
 +
 +
Man, I'm good
 +
 +
What a guy, Monsieur Hood
 +
 +
Break it down
 +
 +
I like an honest fight
 +
 +
and a saucy little maid
 +
 +
What he's basically saying
 +
 +
is he likes to get - -
 +
 +
Paid
 +
 +
So
 +
 +
When an orge in the bush
 +
 +
grabs a lady by the tush
 +
 +
That's bad
 +
 +
That's bad
 +
 +
When a beauty's with a beast
 +
 +
it makes me awfully mad
 +
 +
He's mad
 +
 +
He's really, really mad
 +
 +
I'll take my blade and
 +
 +
ram it through your heart
 +
 +
Keep your eyes on me, boys
 +
 +
'cause I'm about to start
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Grunts, Groans}
 +
 +
{Karate Yell}
 +
 +
{Merry Men Gasping}
 +
 +
{Panting}
 +
 +
-Man, that was annoying!
 +
 +
-Oh, you little- -
 +
 +
{Karate Yell}
 +
 +
{Accordion}
 +
 +
{Shouting, groaning}
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-Uh, shall we?
 +
 +
-Hold the phone.
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
 +
 +
-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these
 +
 +
things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!
 +
 +
-What? Oh, would you look at that?
 +
 +
-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
 +
 +
-Why? What's wrong?
 +
 +
-Shrek's hurt.
 +
 +
-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
 +
 +
-Donkey, I'm okay.
 +
 +
-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep
 +
 +
you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the
 +
 +
Heimlich?
 +
 +
-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and
 +
 +
find me a blue flower with red thorns.
 +
 +
-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
 +
 +
Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
 +
 +
-{Both} Donkey!
 +
 +
-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
 +
 +
-What are the flowers for?
 +
 +
-For getting rid of Donkey.
 +
 +
-Ah.
 +
 +
-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
 +
 +
-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
 +
 +
-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
 +
 +
-No, it's tender.
 +
 +
-Now, hold on.
 +
 +
-What you're doing is the opposite of help.
 +
 +
-Don't move.
 +
 +
-Look, time out.
 +
 +
-Would you - -
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
-Okay. What do you propose we do?
 +
 +
-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red
 +
 +
thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue
 +
 +
flower, red thorns.
 +
 +
-Ow!
 +
 +
-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
 +
 +
-Ow! Not good.
 +
 +
-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
-It's just about - -
 +
 +
-Ow! Ohh!
 +
 +
-Ahem.
 +
 +
-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -
 +
 +
-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
 +
 +
-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was
 +
 +
just- - Ugh!
 +
 +
-Ow!
 +
 +
-Hey, what's that?
 +
 +
{Nervous chickle}
 +
 +
-That's- - Is that blood?
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
{Bird chirping}
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
 +
 +
My beloved monster and me
 +
 +
We go everywhere together
 +
 +
Wearin' a raincoat
 +
 +
that has four sleeves
 +
 +
Gets us through all kinds of weather
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Aah!
 +
 +
 +
 +
She will always be the only thing
 +
 +
That comes between me and the awful sting
 +
 +
That comes from living in a world
 +
 +
that's so damn mean
 +
 +
{Croaks}
 +
 +
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
-Hey!
 +
 +
La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la
 +
 +
{Both laughing}
 +
 +
La-la, la-la, la-la
 +
 +
 +
 +
-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
 +
 +
-That's DuLoc?
 +
 +
-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for
 +
 +
something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow!
 +
 +
-Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on.
 +
 +
-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.
 +
 +
{Blubbering}
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
 +
 +
-What are you talking about? I'm fine.
 +
 +
-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on
 +
 +
your back. Dead.
 +
 +
-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
 +
 +
-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
 +
 +
-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and
 +
 +
when I turn my head like this, look,
 +
 +
{Bones crunch}
 +
 +
-Ow! See?
 +
 +
-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
 +
 +
-I'll get the firewood.
 +
 +
-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any
 +
 +
toes! I think I need a hug.
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
 +
 +
-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
 +
 +
-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
 +
 +
-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I
 +
 +
make a mean weedrat stew.
 +
 +
{Chuckling}
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
 +
 +
{Gulps}
 +
 +
-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind
 +
 +
of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-I'd like that.
 +
 +
{Slurps, laughs}
 +
 +
 +
 +
See the pyramids along the Nile
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Um, Princess?
 +
 +
 +
 +
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Yes, Shrek?
 +
 +
-I, um, I was wondering.
 +
 +
 +
 +
Just remember, darling all the while
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Are you- -
 +
 +
 +
 +
You belong to me
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-Are you gonna eat that?
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
 +
 +
-Sunset?
 +
 +
-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
 +
 +
-What?
 +
 +
-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,
 +
 +
aren't you?
 +
 +
-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
 +
 +
-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until
 +
 +
- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
 +
 +
{Shrek sighs}
 +
 +
-Good night.
 +
 +
-Good night.
 +
 +
{Door creaks}
 +
 +
-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
 +
 +
-Oh, what are you talkin' about?
 +
 +
-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
 +
 +
And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
 +
 +
-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
 +
 +
-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in
 +
 +
and tell her how you feel.
 +
 +
-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,
 +
 +
well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a
 +
 +
princess, and I'm - -
 +
 +
-An orge?
 +
 +
-Yeah. An orge.
 +
 +
-Hey, where you goin'?
 +
 +
-To get... move firewood.
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
 +
 +
{Wings fluttering}
 +
 +
-Princess?
 +
 +
{Creaking}
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
 +
 +
{Screams}
 +
 +
-Aah!
 +
 +
-Oh, no!
 +
 +
-No, help!
 +
 +
-Shh!
 +
 +
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
 +
 +
-No, it's okay. It's okay.
 +
 +
-What did you do with the princess?
 +
 +
-Donkey, I'm the princess.
 +
 +
-Aah!
 +
 +
-It's me, in this body.
 +
 +
-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?
 +
 +
-Donkey!
 +
 +
-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
 +
 +
-Shh.
 +
 +
-Shrek!
 +
 +
-This is me.
 +
 +
{Muffled mumbling}
 +
 +
-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
 +
 +
-I'm ugly, okay?
 +
 +
-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats
 +
 +
was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -
 +
 +
-No.
 +
 +
-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.
 +
 +
-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
 +
 +
-It's only happens when sun goes down.
 +
 +
"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you
 +
 +
find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."
 +
 +
-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
 +
 +
-It's a spell.
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I
 +
 +
become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to
 +
 +
await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry
 +
 +
Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.
 +
 +
{Sobs}
 +
 +
-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not
 +
 +
that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look
 +
 +
like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
 +
 +
-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant
 +
 +
to look.
 +
 +
-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
 +
 +
-I have to.  Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
 +
 +
-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you
 +
 +
got a lot in common.
 +
 +
-Shrek?
 +
 +
 +
 +
-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for
 +
 +
me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's
 +
 +
pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might
 +
 +
like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -
 +
 +
-
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
 +
 +
-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I
 +
 +
mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?
 +
 +
"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here
 +
 +
with Shrek.
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
 +
 +
{Deep sigh}
 +
 +
-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only
 +
 +
way to break the spell.
 +
 +
-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
 +
 +
-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
 +
 +
-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
 +
 +
-Promise you won't tell. Promise!
 +
 +
-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know
 +
 +
before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.
 +
 +
-Look at my eye twitchin'.
 +
 +
{Door opens}
 +
 +
{Snoring}
 +
 +
-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.
 +
 +
-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -
 +
 +
{Snoring}
 +
 +
-Shrek. Are you all right?
 +
 +
-Perfect! Never been better.
 +
 +
-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.
 +
 +
-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last
 +
 +
night.
 +
 +
-You heard what I said?
 +
 +
-Every word.
 +
 +
-I thought you'd understand.
 +
 +
-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly
 +
 +
beast?"
 +
 +
-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
 +
 +
-Yeah? Well, it does.
 +
 +
{Gasps, sighs}
 +
 +
-Ah, right on time.
 +
 +
{Horse whinnies}
 +
 +
-Princess, I've brought you a little something.
 +
 +
{Fanfare}
 +
 +
{Yawns}
 +
 +
-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
 +
 +
{Muffled}
 +
 +
-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
 +
 +
-Princess Fiona.
 +
 +
-As promised. Now hand it over.
 +
 +
-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.
 +
 +
-Take it and go before I change my mind.
 +
 +
-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I
 +
 +
have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
 +
 +
-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
 +
 +
{Snaps fingers}
 +
 +
-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.
 +
 +
-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the
 +
 +
orge. It's not like it has feelings.
 +
 +
-No, you're right. It doesn't.
 +
 +
-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in
 +
 +
marriage.
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
 +
 +
-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -
 +
 +
-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
 +
 +
-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun
 +
 +
sets.
 +
 +
-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's
 +
 +
so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest
 +
 +
list. Captain, round up some guests!
 +
 +
-Fare-thee-well, orge.
 +
 +
-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
 +
 +
-Yeah? So what?
 +
 +
-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to
 +
 +
her last night, She's - -
 +
 +
-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?
 +
 +
Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
 +
 +
-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.
 +
 +
-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!
 +
 +
My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,
 +
 +
pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
 +
 +
-But I thought - -
 +
 +
-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!
 +
 +
-Shrek.
 +
 +
 +
 +
I heard there was a secret chord
 +
 +
That David played and it pleased the Lord
 +
 +
But you don't really care for music, do ya
 +
 +
It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
 +
 +
The minor fall the major lift
 +
 +
The baffled king composing hallelujah
 +
 +
Hallelujah,  hallelujah
 +
 +
Baby, I've been here before
 +
 +
I know this room I've walked this floor
 +
 +
I used to live alone before I knew you
 +
 +
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
 +
 +
But love is not a victory march
 +
 +
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
 +
 +
Hallelujah,  hallelujah
 +
 +
And all I ever learned from love
 +
 +
Is how to shoot at someone
 +
 +
Who outdrew you
 +
 +
{Moaning}
 +
 +
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
 +
 +
It's not somebody who's seen the light
 +
 +
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
 +
 +
{Moaning}
 +
 +
Hallelujah,  hallelujah
 +
 +
 +
 +
{Thumping sound}
 +
 +
-Donkey?
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
-What are you doing?
 +
 +
-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see
 +
 +
one.
 +
 +
-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not
 +
 +
through it.
 +
 +
-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.
 +
 +
-Oh! Your half. Hmm.
 +
 +
-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I
 +
 +
get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks
 +
 +
like your head.
 +
 +
-Back off!
 +
 +
-No, you back off.
 +
 +
-This is my swamp!
 +
 +
-Our swamp.
 +
 +
-Let go, Donkey!
 +
 +
-You let go.
 +
 +
-Stubborn jackass!
 +
 +
-Smelly orge.
 +
 +
-Fine!
 +
 +
-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
 +
 +
-Well, I'm through with you.
 +
 +
-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess
 +
 +
what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are
 +
 +
mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!
 +
 +
You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
 +
 +
-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
 +
 +
-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
 +
 +
-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in
 +
 +
the back!
 +
 +
-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your
 +
 +
own feelings.
 +
 +
-Go away!
 +
 +
-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she
 +
 +
ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
 +
 +
-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of
 +
 +
you talking.
 +
 +
-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody
 +
 +
else.
 +
 +
-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
 +
 +
-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.
 +
 +
Right? Right?
 +
 +
-Donkey!
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
 +
 +
{Sighs}
 +
 +
-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you
 +
 +
forgive me?
 +
 +
-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
 +
 +
-Right. Friends?
 +
 +
-Friends.
 +
 +
-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
 +
 +
-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
 +
 +
-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
 +
 +
-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I
 +
 +
have a way.
 +
 +
{Whistles}
 +
 +
-Donkey?
 +
 +
-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
 +
 +
{Laughing}
 +
 +
-Aw, come here, you.
 +
 +
-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
 +
 +
All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install
 +
 +
the seat belts yet.
 +
 +
-Whoo!
 +
 +
{Bells tolling}
 +
 +
{All gasping}
 +
 +
-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....
 +
 +
-Um-
 +
 +
-of our new king - -
 +
 +
-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
 +
 +
{Chuckling}
 +
 +
-Go on.
 +
 +
-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
 +
 +
that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't
 +
 +
you?
 +
 +
-What are you talking about?
 +
 +
-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak
 +
 +
now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
 +
 +
-I don't have time for this!
 +
 +
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this
 +
 +
woman, don't you?
 +
 +
-Yes.
 +
 +
-You wanna hold her?
 +
 +
-Yes.
 +
 +
-Please her?
 +
 +
-Yes!
 +
 +
-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that
 +
 +
romantic crap!
 +
 +
-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
 +
 +
-We gotta check it out.
 +
 +
 +
 +
-And so, by the power vested in me,
 +
 +
-What do you see?
 +
 +
-The whole town's in there.
 +
 +
-I now pronounce you husband and wife,
 +
 +
-They're at the altar.
 +
 +
-king and queen.
 +
 +
-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
 +
 +
-Oh, for the love of Pete!
 +
 +
{Grunts}
 +
 +
-I object!
 +
 +
-Shrek?
 +
 +
{Gasps}
 +
 +
-Oh, now what does he want?
 +
 +
-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.
 +
 +
Very clean.
 +
 +
-What are you doing here?
 +
 +
-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but
 +
 +
showing up uninvited to a wedding - -
 +
 +
-Fiona! I need to talk to you.
 +
 +
-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll
 +
 +
excuse me - -
 +
 +
-But you can't marry him.
 +
 +
-And why not?
 +
 +
-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.
 +
 +
-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
 +
 +
-He's not your true love.
 +
 +
-And what do you know about true love?
 +
 +
-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
 +
 +
-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!
 +
 +
Oh, good Lord.
 +
 +
{Crowd laughting}
 +
 +
-An orge and a princess!
 +
 +
-Shrek, is this true?
 +
 +
-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away
 +
 +
from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!
 +
 +
-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
 +
 +
{Whimpers}
 +
 +
{Crown gasping}
 +
 +
-Well, uh, that explains a lot.
 +
 +
-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of
 +
 +
my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
 +
 +
-No, no!
 +
 +
-Shrek!
 +
 +
-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that
 +
 +
makes me king! See? See?
 +
 +
-No, let go of me! Shrek!
 +
 +
-No!
 +
 +
-Don't just stand there, you morons.
 +
 +
-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
 +
 +
-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and
 +
 +
quartered!
 +
 +
-You'll beg for death to save you!
 +
 +
-No, Shrek!
 +
 +
-And as for you, my wife,
 +
 +
-Fiona!
 +
 +
-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
 +
 +
-I'm king!
 +
 +
{Whistles}
 +
 +
-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!
 +
 +
-Aah!
 +
 +
-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to
 +
 +
use it.
 +
 +
{Roars}
 +
 +
-I'm a donkey on the edge!
 +
 +
{Belches}
 +
 +
-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
 +
 +
{Cheering}
 +
 +
-Go ahead, Shrek.
 +
 +
-Uh, Fiona?
 +
 +
-Yes, Shrek?
 +
 +
-I - - I love you.
 +
 +
-Really?
 +
 +
-Really, really.
 +
 +
- I love you too.
 +
 +
-Aawww!
 +
 +
-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true
 +
 +
form."
 +
 +
-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."
 +
 +
-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
 +
 +
-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
 +
 +
-But you ARE beautiful.
 +
 +
{Chuckles}
 +
 +
-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
 +
 +
 +
 +
I thought love was only true in fairy tales
 +
 +
Oy!
 +
 +
Meant for someone else but not for me
 +
 +
Love was out to get me
 +
 +
That's the way it seemed
 +
 +
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
 +
 +
And then I saw her face
 +
 +
Now I'm a believer and not a trace
 +
 +
Of doubt in my mind
 +
 +
I'm in love
 +
 +
Ooh-aah
 +
 +
I'm a believer I couldn't leave her
 +
 +
If I tried
 +
 +
 +
 +
-God bless us, every one.
 +
 +
 +
 +
Come on, y'all!
 +
 +
Then I saw her face
 +
 +
Ha-ha
 +
 +
Now I'm a believer
 +
 +
Listen!
 +
 +
Not a trace
 +
 +
Of doubt in my mind
 +
 +
I'm in love
 +
 +
Ooh-aah
 +
 +
I'm a believer
 +
 +
I couldn't leave her if I tried
 +
 +
-Ooh!
 +
 +
-Uh!
 +
 +
Then I saw her face
 +
 +
Now I'm a believer
 +
 +
Hey!
 +
 +
Not a trace
 +
 +
Uhh! Yeah.
 +
 +
Of doubt in my mind
 +
 +
 +
 +
-One more time!
 +
 +
I'm in love
 +
 +
I'm a believer
 +
 +
Come on!
 +
 +
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,
 +
 +
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey
 +
 +
Y'all sing it with me!
 +
 +
I
 +
 +
Believe
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
People in the back!
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
I'm a believer
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
I believe
 +
 +
{Hysterical laughing}
 +
 +
-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.
 +
 +
-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
 +
 +
 +
 +
I believe in self-assertion
 +
 +
Destiny or a slight diversion
 +
 +
Now it seems I've got my head on straight
 +
 +
I'm a freak an apparition
 +
 +
Seems I've made the right decision
 +
 +
To try to turn back now it might be too late
 +
 +
 +
 +
Now I want to stay home today
 +
 +
Don't wanna go out
 +
 +
If anyone comes to play
 +
 +
Gonna get thrown out
 +
 +
I wanna stay home today
 +
 +
Don't want no company
 +
 +
No way
 +
 +
Yeah, yeah, yeah
 +
 +
 +
 +
I wanna be a millionaire someday
 +
 +
But know what it feels like to give it away
 +
 +
Watch me march to the beat of my own drum
 +
 +
And it's off to the moon and then back again
 +
 +
Same old day Same situation
 +
 +
My happiness rears back as if to say
 +
 +
 +
 +
I wanna stay home today
 +
 +
Don't wanna go out
 +
 +
If anyone comes to play
 +
 +
Gonna get thrown out
 +
 +
I wanna stay home today
 +
 +
Don't want no company
 +
 +
No way
 +
 +
Yeah, yeah, yeah
 +
 +
 +
 +
I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes
 +
 +
My heart skips a beat
 +
 +
Girl, I feel so alive
 +
 +
Please tell me, baby, if all this is true
 +
 +
'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
Makes me wanna dance
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
It's a new romance
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
I look into your eyes
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
The best years of our lives
 +
 +
When we first met
 +
 +
I could hardly believe
 +
 +
The things that would happen
 +
 +
and we could achieve
 +
 +
So let's be together
 +
 +
for all of our time
 +
 +
Oh, girl, I'm so thankful
 +
 +
that you are still mine
 +
 +
You always consider me
 +
 +
like an ugly duckling
 +
 +
And treat me like a Nostradamus
 +
 +
was why I had to get my shine on
 +
 +
I break a little something
 +
 +
to keep my mind on
 +
 +
'Cause you had my mind gone
 +
 +
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh
 +
 +
Turn the lights on, Come on, baby
 +
 +
Let's just rewind the song
 +
 +
'Cause all I want to do is
 +
 +
make the rest years the best years
 +
 +
All night long
 +
 +
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
Makes me wanna dance
 +
 +
Makes me wanna dance
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
It's a new romance
 +
 +
It's a new romance
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
I look into your eyes
 +
 +
Oh, yeah, yeah
 +
 +
I look into your eyes
 +
 +
Oh-oh-oh
 +
 +
The best years of our lives
 +
 +
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
Everything looks bright
 +
 +
Standing in your light
 +
 +
Everything feels right
 +
 +
What's left is out of sight
 +
 +
What's a girl to do
 +
 +
I'm telling you
 +
 +
You're on my mind
 +
 +
I wanna be with you
 +
 +
'Cause when you're
 +
 +
standin' next to me
 +
 +
It's like wow
 +
 +
And all your kisses
 +
 +
seem to set me free
 +
 +
It's like wow
 +
 +
And when we touch
 +
 +
it's such a rush
 +
 +
I can't get enough
 +
 +
It's like- - It's like
 +
 +
Ooh-ooh
 +
 +
Hey, what
 +
 +
It's like wow
 +
 +
Ooh-ooh, hey
 +
 +
Hey, yeah
 +
 +
It's like wow
 +
 +
Everything is looking
 +
 +
right now, right now
 +
 +
It's like wow
 +
 +
And I got this feeling
 +
 +
This feeling
 +
 +
it's just like wow
 +
 +
It's just like wow
 +
 +
You are all I'm thinking of.
 +
 +
Like wow
 +
 +
Everything feels right
 +
 +
Everything feels right
 +
 +
Like wow
 +
 +
Everything looks bright
 +
 +
All my senses are right
 +
 +
Like wow
 +
 +
Everything feels right
 +
 +
Baby, baby, baby
 +
 +
the way I'm feeling you
 +
 +
Is like wow
 +
 +
 +
 +
There is something
 +
 +
that I see
 +
 +
In the way
 +
 +
you look at me
 +
 +
There's a smile
 +
 +
There's a truth
 +
 +
In your eyes
 +
 +
What an unexpected way
 +
 +
On this unexpected day
 +
 +
Could it be
 +
 +
This is where I belong
 +
 +
It is you I have loved
 +
 +
All long
 +
 +
There's no more mystery
 +
 +
It is finally clear to me
 +
 +
You're the home
 +
 +
my heart's searched for
 +
 +
So long
 +
 +
It is you I have loved
 +
 +
All long
 +
 +
Whoa, over and over
 +
 +
I'm filled with emotion
 +
 +
As I look
 +
 +
Into your perfect face

Revision as of 07:33, 20 April 2017

[The music Reminded by Drowning Pool plays]

Bardock: Frieza! I'm coming for you, you murderous self-serving traitor! It's over!

Frieza's soldiers: All hail, Lord Frieza!

Bardock: [Chuckling] No way, Frieza. You lived long enough! Actually it's been too long far for my taste. Frieza, listen up! We quit! All of us! Got it!? We don't work for you anymore! We're free! You can find someone else to do your dirty work! Oh yeah! [Chuckling] There's one last thing... [Charges a Final Spirit Cannon]

Narrator: Deployed on a routine military operation, the Saiyan baby Kakarot flies toward Earth, missing the deadly surprise attack on his home planet. His father Bardock confronts the assailants, Frieza and his entire army, alone.

Bardock: This is for all the people we killed in your name! Here, have it! [launches a Final Spirit Cannon]

Frieza: [Evil Laughter]

[uses his Death Ball, as the Final Spirit Cannon has no effect on the Death Ball]

Bardock: No way!

[Everyone screams, as Bardock gets hit by the Death Ball, causing his armor to disintegrate; inside a nearby spaceship, Cooler and his henchmen watch Bardock's death]

Dore: That's the guy right there, Bardock.

Salza: He doesn't look so frightening to me. Anyway, he's space dust now. And there goes the whole monkey farm. Now, this is light entertainment. [Salza notices Goku in his space pod.]

Hm? What's this? Someone's getting away! Magnify the image!

Neiz: Right, I'm on it Salza!

Salza: I want an interior view as well!

Neiz: That's it, got it.

Salza: Where does he think he's going?!

Neiz: It looks like he's heading towards a planet called Earth! Intercept course?

Salza: Yes.

Cooler: Belay that order.

Doore: Sire!

Neiz: Yes sir!

Salza: But.. someone is escaping!

Cooler: Frieza is the one in charge of this quadrant, let him clean up his own mess. I've got seven planets to destroy by the end of the day. Why should I allow myself to get behind schedule just to cover his mistake?

Besides, he's just a Saiyan child. He's no threat to us. [Cooler stares at Frieza laughing on the monitor.]

Ah, look at him! What foolishness! He's so pleased with that himself he's blinded by his arrogant pride! That could be King Vegeta on that space pod for all he knows!

You've got a lot to learn, brother. Let's get out of here!

[Opening]

[at Roshi's Island, Goku trains and launches Kamehameha on the water]

Master Roshi: Look at that! I can see clear to the main land, Goku! That's amazing!

Goku: Awesome huh? Watch this. I can make the walls go higher!

Master Roshi (thinking to himself): Remarkable. He's never trained harder, but he's so relaxed and talkative about it. Beating Frieza changed him.

[[[Goku's House]]]

Gohan: [Doing work] There... divide that by 10...

Chi-Chi: Hi! I thought my little scholar might be thirsty. Here's some tea. [Notices Icarus in window] Hm? Hey! What do think you're doing? I know what you're up to. Now you get out of here.

Goku: Icarus, leave Gohan alone, he's trying to finish his homework.

Chi-Chi: What? Did you hear what your father just said? He told Icarus to leave you alone because you were doing your... homework. Goku? Are you feeling ok, honey?

Goku: Oh yeah, I'm feeling just fine.

Chi-Chi: Are you sure you don't have a fever, Goku? You sound a little strange.

Goku: No, I feel great. I just want Gohan to finish his homework.

Chi-Chi: Yep, I knew it, I knew it. Goku has never cared if you finish your homework. Gohan, I'm afraid there's something seriously wrong with your father. I wonder if all this fighting has finally knocked a few screws loose in Goku's head. That's it! He must have bruised his brain...


Gohan: Betcha never thought you could fly this fast. Did ya? [Giggling, as Salza, Neiz and Dore pop out]

Salza: So, going somewhere, monkey boy?

Gohan: Uh oh! Icarus, let's get out of here, quick!

Dore: Let em have it, Salza!

Neiz: [Laughing]

[Salza launches his Finger Beam attack on Icarus' wings as Gohan loses control, and the music Falling Down by Breaking Point plays]

Gohan: It's okay I gotcha. [Dore kicks Gohan causing Icarus to fall in the woods] Icarus! [The Armored Squadron hit Gohan causing Dore to grab Gohan}

Dore: [chuckling] Huh? Hey, whatcha got in the bag there, monkey boy. [uses his hands to get the bad] Give it here. Give it. Alright! That's it! You're going bye-bye, kid! [Gohan growls in frustration] I call this mine can-opener with your attack. [he gets blasted in the back by an energy blast]

Neiz: Dore!

Dore: Who did that!?

Piccolo: That would be me!

Salza: A Namek? Out here?

Dore: [about Planet Namek] Why isn't that toad on his own world where he belongs?

Neiz: Frieza blew it up.

Dore: Oh, oh yeah. Yeah.

Gohan: Yeah. Piccolo.

Dore: [to Piccolo] It's all over for you, Namek! You're going to die!

Piccolo: Not likely. [takes off his turban] I've seen you fight.

Dore: I'M GOING RIP YOU APART!!! [Launches up and punches Piccolo's cape] Where'd he go!

[Piccolo appears and hits Dore in the helmet causing him to fall to the ground]

Dore: DARN IT!! I...CAN'T... [blasts Doore, he screams and dies and explodes]

Neiz: Dore. [to Piccolo] You're dead! [growls in frustration, when using a pink shock wave with Piccolo fighting with Salza] Have it! [blasts Piccolo]

Salza: [Evil laughter] You look like a buch of dear caught in the headlights! [Laughs evilly] You lose suckers! Now die! [Piccolo launches a Special Beam Cannon and shot Salza in the back, as he starts gasping, and falls over]

Goku and Krillin: Huh?

Gohan: I don't see him. [giggles] Piccolo! I know you're there! Come out! Piccolo!

[later, Piccolo drinks water, and regenerates as the song Phoneix by Breaking Point plays]

[Credits]


SEINFIEEEEEEELDLEDLELDE

According to all known laws of aviation,


there is no way a bee should be able to fly.


Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.


The bee, of course, flies anyway


because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.


Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.


Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.


Barry! Breakfast is ready!


Ooming!


Hang on a second.


Hello?


- Barry? - Adam?


- Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.


Looking sharp.


Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.


Sorry. I'm excited.


Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.


A perfect report card, all B's.


Very proud.


Ma! I got a thing going here.


- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!


- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!


Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!


- Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry.


- Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation.


Never thought I'd make it.


Three days grade school, three days high school.


Those were awkward.


Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive.


You did come back different.


- Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.


- Hear about Frankie? - Yeah.


- You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going.


Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.


Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead.


I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.


I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.


That's why we don't need vacations.


Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances.


- Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are!


- Bee-men. - Amen!


Hallelujah!


Students, faculty, distinguished bees,


please welcome Dean Buzzwell.


Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of...


...9:15.


That concludes our ceremonies.


And begins your career at Honex Industries!


Will we pick ourjob today?


I heard it's just orientation.


Heads up! Here we go.


Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.


- Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary.


Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco


and a part of the Hexagon Group.


This is it!


Wow.


Wow.


We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life


to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.


Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.


Our top-secret formula


is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured


into this soothing sweet syrup


with its distinctive golden glow you know as...


Honey!


- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!


- She is? - Yes, we're all cousins.


- Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive


to improve every aspect of bee existence.


These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.


- What do you think he makes? - Not enough.


Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.


- What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey


that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions.


Oan anyone work on the Krelman?


Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know


that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.


But choose carefully


because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.


The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.


What's the difference?


You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off


in 27 million years.


So you'll just work us to death?


We'll sure try.


Wow! That blew my mind!


"What's the difference?" How can you say that?


One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make.


I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.


But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?


Why would you question anything? We're bees.


We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.


You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?


Like what? Give me one example.


I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.


Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.


Wait a second. Oheck it out.


- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow.


I've never seen them this close.


They know what it's like outside the hive.


Yeah, but some don't come back.


- Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks!


You guys did great!


You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!


- I wonder where they were. - I don't know.


Their day's not planned.


Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.


You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.


Right.


Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.


It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it.


Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.


Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too?


Distant. Distant.


Look at these two.


- Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them.


It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock.


Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!


He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!


- Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out.


What were you doing during this?


Trying to alert the authorities.


I can autograph that.


A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades?


Yeah. Gusty.


We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.


- Six miles, huh? - Barry!


A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.


- Maybe I am. - You are not!


We're going 0900 at J-Gate.


What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough?


I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means.


Hey, Honex!


Dad, you surprised me.


You decide what you're interested in?


- Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one.


Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day?


Son, let me tell you about stirring.


You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around.


You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing.


You know, Dad, the more I think about it,


maybe the honey field just isn't right for me.


You were thinking of what, making balloon animals?


That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger.


Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!


- Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny.


You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!


- You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me!


Wait till you see the sticks I have.


I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!


Let's open some honey and celebrate!


Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae.


Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!


I'm so proud.


- We're starting work today! - Today's the day.


Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone.


Yeah, right.


Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...


- Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left!


One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side.


- What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar!


Wow!


Oouple of newbies?


Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!


Make your choice.


- You want to go first? - No, you go.


Oh, my. What's available?


Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.


- Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on.


I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.


Wax monkey's always open.


The Krelman opened up again.


What happened?


A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one.


Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.


Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!


Oh, this is so hard!


Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,


humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,


mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry?


Barry!


All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine...


What happened to you? Where are you?


- I'm going out. - Out? Out where?


- Out there. - Oh, no!


I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.


You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?


Another call coming in.


If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd


that gets their roses today.


Hey, guys.


- Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?


Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.


It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.


Really? Feeling lucky, are you?


Sign here, here. Just initial that.


- Thank you. - OK.


You got a rain advisory today,


and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain.


So be careful. As always, watch your brooms,


hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats.


Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us.


Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada!


- That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies,


bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans!


All right, launch positions!


Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!


Black and yellow!


Hello!


You ready for this, hot shot?


Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.


Wind, check.


- Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check.


- Wings, check. - Stinger, check.


Scared out of my shorts, check.


OK, ladies,


let's move it out!


Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers!


All of you, drain those flowers!


Wow! I'm out!


I can't believe I'm out!


So blue.


I feel so fast and free!


Box kite!


Wow!


Flowers!


This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual.


Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.


Roses!


30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.


Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick.


That is one nectar collector!


- Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir.


I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there,


a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic.


That's amazing. Why do we do that?


That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.


Oool.


I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?


Oopy that visual.


Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move.


Say again? You're reporting a moving flower?


Affirmative.


That was on the line!


This is the coolest. What is it?


I don't know, but I'm loving this color.


It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it.


Yeah, fuzzy.


Ohemical-y.


Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.


My sweet lord of bees!


Oandy-brain, get off there!


Problem!


- Guys! - This could be bad.


Affirmative.


Very close.


Gonna hurt.


Mama's little boy.


You are way out of position, rookie!


Ooming in at you like a missile!


Help me!


I don't think these are flowers.


- Should we tell him? - I think he knows.


What is this?!


Match point!


You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it!


Yowser!


Gross.


There's a bee in the car!


- Do something! - I'm driving!


- Hi, bee. - He's back here!


He's going to sting me!


Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze!


He blinked!


Spray him, Granny!


What are you doing?!


Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable.


I gotta get home.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Oan't fly in rain.


Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!


Ken, could you close the window please?


Ken, could you close the window please?


Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure.


You see? Folds out.


Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.


What was that?


Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This...


Drapes!


That is diabolical.


It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.


What's number one? Star Wars?


Nah, I don't go for that...


...kind of stuff.


No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds.


When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.


There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.


I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it.


I predicted global warming.


I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me.


Wait! Stop! Bee!


Stand back. These are winter boots.


Wait!


Don't kill him!


You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me!


Why does his life have less value than yours?


Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?


I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling.


My brochure!


There you go, little guy.


I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing.


Put that on your resume brochure.


My whole face could puff up.


Make it one of your special skills.


Knocking someone out is also a special skill.


Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.


- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.


- You could put carob chips on there. - Bye.


- Supposed to be less calories. - Bye.


I gotta say something.


She saved my life. I gotta say something.


All right, here it goes.


Nah.


What would I say?


I could really get in trouble.


It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human.


I can't believe I'm doing this.


I've got to.


Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!


No. Yes. No.


Do it. I can't.


How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good.


Here she comes! Speak, you fool!


Hi!


I'm sorry.


- You're talking. - Yes, I know.


You're talking!


I'm so sorry.


No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming.


But I don't recall going to bed.


Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting.


This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee!


I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this,


but they were all trying to kill me.


And if it wasn't for you...


I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised.


That was a little weird.


- I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah.


I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me!


I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now.


- Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What?


The talking thing.


Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.


- That's very funny. - Yeah.


Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with.


Anyway...


Oan I...


...get you something? - Like what?


I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee?


I don't want to put you out.


It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.


- It's just coffee. - I hate to impose.


- Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup.


Hey, you want rum cake?


- I shouldn't. - Have some.


- No, I can't. - Oome on!


I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.


- Where? - These stripes don't help.


You look great!


I don't know if you know anything about fashion.


Are you all right?


No.


He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison.


He finally gets there.


He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on.


And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan.


Why would I marry a watermelon?"


Is that a bee joke?


That's the kind of stuff we do.


Yeah, different.


So, what are you gonna do, Barry?


About work? I don't know.


I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want.


I know how you feel.


- You do? - Sure.


My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.


- Really? - My only interest is flowers.


Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan.


Anyway, if you look...


There's my hive right there. See it?


You're in Sheep Meadow!


Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!


No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once.


- Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not?


- It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that.


- You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine.


Just having two cups of coffee!


Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee.


Yeah, it's no trouble.


Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life.


Are you...?


Oan I take a piece of this with me?


Sure! Here, have a crumb.


- Thanks! - Yeah.


All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around.


Or not.


OK, Barry.


And thank you so much again... for before.


Oh, that? That was nothing.


Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...


This can't possibly work.


He's all set to go. We may as well try it.


OK, Dave, pull the chute.


- Sounds amazing. - It was amazing!


It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life.


Humans! I can't believe you were with humans!


Giant, scary humans! What were they like?


Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.


They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy.


- Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't.


- How'd you get back? - Poodle.


You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see.


You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal.


- Well... - Well?


Well, I met someone.


You did? Was she Bee-ish?


- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp.


- Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders.


I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all.


I can't get by that face.


So who is she?


She's... human.


No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law.


- Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy.


She's so nice. And she's a florist!


Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!


We're not dating.


You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes


with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite!


She saved my life! And she understands me.


This is over!


Eat this.


This is not over! What was that?


- They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey!


And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat!


- You know what a Oinnabon is? - No.


It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up...


Sit down!


...really hot! - Listen to me!


We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them!


Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning?


There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me!


You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee!


- Thinking bee. - Thinking bee.


Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


There he is. He's in the pool.


You know what your problem is, Barry?


I gotta start thinking bee?


How much longer will this go on?


It's been three days! Why aren't you working?


I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about.


What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee!


Would it kill you to make a little honey?


Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you.


Martin, would you talk to him?


Barry, I'm talking to you!


You coming?


Got everything?


All set!


Go ahead. I'll catch up.


Don't be too long.


Watch this!


Vanessa!


- We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him.


He doesn't respond to yelling!


- Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen!


I'm not listening to this.


Sorry, I've gotta go.


- Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend.


A girl? Is this why you can't decide?


Bye.


I just hope she's Bee-ish.


They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena?


To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream!


Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering.


A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events?


No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere?


It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster.


Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn.


TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane!


You don't have that?


We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease.


Oh, my.


Dumb bees!


You must want to sting all those jerks.


We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us.


So you have to watch your temper.


Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk,


write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion:


Anger, jealousy, lust.


Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?


Yeah.


- What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug.


He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep!


What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?


Yeah, it was. How did you know?


It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.


You've really got that down to a science.


- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet.


What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this?


How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,


Ray Liotta Private Select?


- Is he that actor? - I never heard of him.


- Why is this here? - For people. We eat it.


You don't have enough food of your own?


- Well, yes. - How do you get it?


- Bees make it. - I know who makes it!


And it's hard to make it!


There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing!


- It's organic. - It's our-ganic!


It's just honey, Barry.


Just what?!


Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing!


You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have!


And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this.


I'm getting to the bottom of all of this!


Hey, Hector.


- You almost done? - Almost.


He is here. I sense it.


Well, I guess I'll go home now


and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around.


You're busted, box boy!


I knew I heard something. So you can talk!


I can talk. And now you'll start talking!


Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier?


I don't understand. I thought we were friends.


The last thing we want to do is upset bees!


You're too late! It's ours now!


You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword!


You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio!


Where is the honey coming from?


Tell me where!


Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!


Orazy person!


What horrible thing has happened here?


These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now


they're on the road to nowhere!


Just keep still.


What? You're not dead?


Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed?


To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here.


I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off!


I'm going to Tacoma.


- And you? - He really is dead.


All right.


Uh-oh!


- What is that?! - Oh, no!


- A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade?


Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!


Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?!


How much do you people need to see?!


Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window!


From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell.


But don't kill no more bugs!


- Bee! - Moose blood guy!!


- You hear something? - Like what?


Like tiny screaming.


Turn off the radio.


Whassup, bee boy?


Hey, Blood.


Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see.


Wow!


I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it.


I mean, that honey's ours.


- Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in.


It's a close community.


Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own.


- What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble.


Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack!


At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls.


Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly.


Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.


You got to be kidding me!


Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee!


- Hey, guys! - Mooseblood!


I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw?


We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit.


What is this place?


A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead.


They are pinheads!


Pinhead.


- Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.


The Thomas 3000!


Smoker?


Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar.


A couple breaths of this knocks them right out.


They make the honey, and we make the money.


"They make the honey, and we make the money"?


Oh, my!


What's going on? Are you OK?


Yeah. It doesn't last too long.


Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls?


Our queen was moved here. We had no choice.


This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes!


That's a drag queen!


What is this?


Oh, no!


There's hundreds of them!


Bee honey.


Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale!


This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something.


Oh, Barry, stop.


Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor.


Do these look like rumors?


That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos.


How did you get mixed up in this?


He's been talking to humans.


- What? - Talking to humans?!


He has a human girlfriend. And they make out!


Make out? Barry!


We do not.


- You wish you could. - Whose side are you on?


The bees!


I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night.


Barry, this is what you want to do with your life?


I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees!


Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked


your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop.


I remember that.


What right do they have to our honey?


We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!


Even if it's true, what can one bee do?


Sting them where it really hurts.


In the face! The eye!


- That would hurt. - No.


Up the nose? That's a killer.


There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters.


Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source.


No more bee beards!


With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.


Weather with Storm Stinger.


Sports with Buzz Larvi.


And Jeanette Ohung.


- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung.


A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,


intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey,


packaging it and profiting from it illegally!


Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,


we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book,


Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon.


Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.


Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"?


Bees have never been afraid to change the world.


What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?


Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.


We were thinking of stickball or candy stores.


How old are you?


The bee community is supporting you in this case,


which will be the trial of the bee century.


You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too.


It's a common name. Next week...


He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots...


Next week...


Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em.


Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live.


Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish.


In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness!


It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.


Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that?


Quiet, please. Actual work going on here.


- Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is!


I'm helping him sue the human race.


- Hello. - Hello, bee.


This is Ken.


Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.


Why does he talk again?


Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working.


But it's our yogurt night!


Bye-bye.


Why is yogurt night so difficult?!


You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours!


Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help.


- Frosting... - How many sugars?


Just one. I try not to use the competition.


So why are you helping me?


Bees have good qualities.


And it takes my mind off the shop.


Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now.


Those are great, if you're three.


And artificial flowers.


- Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too.


Bent stingers, pointless pollination.


Bees must hate those fake things!


Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done.


Maybe this could make up for it a little bit.


- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess.


You sure you want to go through with it?


Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able


to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty!


It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan,


where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history,


we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak.


What have we gotten into here, Barry?


It's pretty big, isn't it?


I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day.


You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers?


Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade.


- What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill.


Well, if it isn't the bee team.


You boys work on this?


All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding.


All right. Oase number 4475,


Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry


is now in session.


Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively?


A privilege.


Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world?


I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed.


Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please.


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,


my grandmother was a simple woman.


Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right


to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us.


If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines,


just think of what would it mean.


I would have to negotiate with the silkworm


for the elastic in my britches!


Talking bee!


How do we know this isn't some sort of


holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry?


They could be using laser beams!


Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know,


he could be on steroids!


Mr. Benson?


Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here.


I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me.


It's important to all bees. We invented it!


We make it. And we protect it with our lives.


Unfortunately, there are some people in this room


who think they can take it from us


'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over,


you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have


but everything we are!


I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice!


Oall your first witness.


So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have.


I suppose so.


I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron!


Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms.


Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term.


I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you?


- No. - I couldn't hear you.


- No. - No.


Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that,


it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey.


They're very lovable creatures.


Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.


You mean like this?


Bears kill bees!


How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?!


Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows!


OK, that's enough. Take him away.


So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me.


- Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police.


But you've never been a police officer, have you?


No, I haven't.


No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example


of bee culture casually stolen by a human


for nothing more than a prance-about stage name.


Oh, please.


Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?


Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting.


Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!


That's not his real name?! You idiots!


Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on


your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005.


Thank you. Thank you.


I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome


with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow.


I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?


Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you?


Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't


have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir?


Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now!


This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella!


Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?!


- Order in this court! - You're all thinking it!


Order! Order, I say!


- Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down!


I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that.


I think the jury's on our side.


Are we doing everything right, legally?


I'm a florist.


Right. Well, here's to a great team.


To a great team!


Well, hello.


- Ken! - Hello.


I didn't think you were coming.


No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery.


I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.


Oh, that was lucky.


There's a little left. I could heat it up.


Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.


So I hear you're quite a tennis player.


I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby.


That's where I usually sit. Right... there.


Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,


and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill.


You think I don't see what you're doing?


I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common.


Do we?


Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out.


That's just what I was thinking about doing.


Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.


I'm going to drain the old stinger.


Yeah, you do that.


Look at that.


You know, I've just about had it


with your little mind games.


- What's that? - Italian Vogue.


Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.


A lot of ads.


Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine?


Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!


I think something stinks in here!


I love the smell of flowers.


How do you like the smell of flames?!


Not as much.


Water bug! Not taking sides!


Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic!


I've got issues!


Well, well, well, a royal flush!


- You're bluffing. - Am I?


Surf's up, dude!


Poo water!


That bowl is gnarly.


Except for those dirty yellow rings!


Kenneth! What are you doing?!


You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it!


We need to talk!


He's just a little bee!


And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time!


Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life?


No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them!


Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...


My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster!


Goodbye, Ken.


And for your information,


I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man!


I'm sorry about all that.


I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it!


I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me.


I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well.


Are you OK for the trial?


I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas.


We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.


Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers...


Yeah.


Layton, you've gotta weave some magic


with this jury, or it's gonna be all over.


Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around


is to remind them of what they don't like about bees.


- You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic?


Only to losing, son. Only to losing.


Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know.


What exactly is your relationship


to that woman?


We're friends.


- Good friends? - Yes.


How good? Do you live together?


Wait a minute...


Are you her little...


...bedbug?


I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand,


doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children?


- Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents!


- Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are!


Hold me back!


You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson?


He's denouncing bees!


Don't y'all date your cousins?


- Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy!


Adam, don't! It's what he wants!


Oh, I'm hit!!


Oh, lordy, I am hit!


Order! Order!


The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins!


I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction!


You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages!


Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way!


- Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs.


What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison


from my heaving buttocks?


I will have order in this court. Order!


Order, please!


The case of the honeybees versus the human race


took a pointed turn against the bees


yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery.


- Hey, buddy. - Hey.


- Is there much pain? - Yeah.


I...


I blew the whole case, didn't I?


It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died.


I'd be better off dead. Look at me.


They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.


Look, there's a little celery still on it.


What was it like to sting someone?


I can't explain it. It was all...


All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy!


All right.


You think it was all a trap?


Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this.


What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world.


What will the humans do to us if they win?


I don't know.


I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad.


Adam, they check in, but they don't check out!


Oh, my.


Oould you get a nurse to close that window?


- Why? - The smoke.


Bees don't smoke.


Right. Bees don't smoke.


Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking.


That's it! That's our case!


It is? It's not over?


Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.


Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can.


And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.


Mr. Flayman.


Yes? Yes, Your Honor!


Where is the rest of your team?


Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.


Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,


and as a result, we don't make very good time.


I actually heard a funny story about...


Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs


taken up enough of this court's valuable time?


How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on?


They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges


against my clients, who run legitimate businesses.


I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case!


Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going


to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion.


But you can't! We have a terrific case.


Where is your proof? Where is the evidence?


Show me the smoking gun!


Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun?


Here is your smoking gun.


What is that?


It's a bee smoker!


What, this? This harmless little contraption?


This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee.


Look at what has happened


to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?"


Is this what nature intended for us?


To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines


and man-made wooden slat work camps?


Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man?


- What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card.


Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


Free the bees!


Free the bees! Free the bees!


The court finds in favor of the bees!


Vanessa, we won!


I knew you could do it! High-five!


Sorry.


I'm OK! You know what this means?


All the honey will finally belong to the bees.


Now we won't have to work so hard all the time.


This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson.


You'll regret this.


Barry, how much honey is out there?


All right. One at a time.


Barry, who are you wearing?


My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.


- What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean?


We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years.


Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement?


First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps.


Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with,


every last drop.


We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more


than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine.


We're all aware of what they do in the woods.


Wait for my signal.


Take him out.


He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine.


And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames...


But it's just a prance-about stage name!


...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products


and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments.


Oan't breathe.


Bring it in, boys!


Hold it right there! Good.


Tap it.


Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming!


- I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down.


Shut down honey production!


Stop making honey!


Turn your key, sir!


What do we do now?


Oannonball!


We're shutting honey production!


Mission abort.


Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base.


Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there.


Oh, yeah?


What's going on? Where is everybody?


- Are they out celebrating? - They're home.


They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in.


I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket.


At least we got our honey back.


Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't?


It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it.


This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well.


And now...


Now I can't.


I don't understand why they're not happy.


I thought their lives would be better!


They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people.


You don't have any idea what's going on, do you?


- What did you want to show me? - This.


What happened here?


That is not the half of it.


Oh, no. Oh, my.


They're all wilting.


Doesn't look very good, does it?


No.


And whose fault do you think that is?


You know, I'm gonna guess bees.


Bees?


Specifically, me.


I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things.


It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.


That's our whole SAT test right there.


Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom.


And then, of course...


The human species?


So if there's no more pollination,


it could all just go south here, couldn't it?


I know this is also partly my fault.


How about a suicide pact?


How do we do it?


- I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice.


Right, right.


Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going.


I had to open my mouth and talk.


Vanessa?


Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going?


To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena.


They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying.


It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it.


Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this.


I know. Me neither.


Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports.


Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?


Roses!


Vanessa!


Roses?!


Barry?


- Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are.


Flowers, bees, pollen!


I know. That's why this is the last parade.


Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down?


Oould you slow down?


Barry!


OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault.


Yes, it kind of is.


I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you


with the flower shop. I've made it worse.


Actually, it's completely closed down.


I thought maybe you were remodeling.


But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined.


I don't want to hear it!


All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen.


I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park.


All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got.


- Bees. - Park.


- Pollen! - Flowers.


- Repollination! - Across the nation!


Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia.


They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy.


Security will be tight.


I have an idea.


Vanessa Bloome, FTD.


Official floral business. It's real.


Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.


Thank you. It was a gift.


Once inside, we just pick the right float.


How about The Princess and the Pea?


I could be the princess, and you could be the pea!


Yes, I got it.


- Where should I sit? - What are you?


- I believe I'm the pea. - The pea?


It goes under the mattresses.


- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal.


You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco!


Let's see what this baby'll do.


Hey, what are you doing?!


Then all we do is blend in with traffic...


...without arousing suspicion.


Once at the airport, there's no stopping us.


Stop! Security.


- You and your insect pack your float? - Yes.


Has it been in your possession the entire time?


Would you remove your shoes?


- Remove your stinger. - It's part of me.


I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight.


Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job.


Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job!


I think this is gonna work.


It's got to work.


Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott.


We have a bit of bad weather in New York.


It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay.


Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it.


I gotta get up there and talk to them.


Be careful.


Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine?


I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.


Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.


- What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing.


Bee!


Don't freak out! My entire species...


What are you doing?


- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney?


Don't move.


Oh, Barry.


Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain.


Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit?


And please hurry!


What happened here?


There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded.


One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious!


- Is that another bee joke? - No!


No one's flying the plane!


This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status?


This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York.


Where's the pilot?


He's unconscious, and so is the copilot.


Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience?


As a matter of fact, there is.


- Who's that? - Barry Benson.


From the honey trial?! Oh, great.


Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee.


It's got giant wings, huge engines.


I can't fly a plane.


- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes.


How hard could it be?


Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning.


This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport,


where a suspenseful scene is developing.


Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory...


That's Barry!


...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers


and an incapacitated flight crew.


Flowers?!


We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls


with absolutely no flight experience.


Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane.


I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres.


They've done enough damage.


But isn't he your only hope?


Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all.


Their wings are too small...


Haven't we heard this a million times?


"The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense."


- Get this on the air! - Got it.


- Stand by. - We're going live.


The way we work may be a mystery to you.


Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs.


But let me tell you about a small job.


If you do it well, it makes a big difference.


More than we realized. To us, to everyone.


That's why I want to get bees back to working together.


That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O.


We get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow! - Hello!


Left, right, down, hover.


- Hover? - Forget hover.


This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep!


Barry, what happened?!


Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time.


- That may have been helping me. - And now we're not!


So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.


All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out!


Move out!


Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane!


Don't have to yell.


I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble.


It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice!


It's not a tone. I'm panicking!


I can't do this!


Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it!


You snap out of it.


You snap out of it.


- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!


- You snap out of it! - You snap out of it!


- Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn.


How is the plane flying?


I don't know.


Hello?


Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there?


The Pollen Jocks!


They do get behind a fellow.


- Black and yellow. - Hello.


All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop.


Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?


No, nothing. It's all cloudy.


Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.


- Thinking bee. - Thinking bee.


Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something.


- What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.


Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.


Bring the nose down.


Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that!


Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!


- Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK.


Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys?


Affirmative!


Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.


Land on that flower!


Ready? Full reverse!


Spin it around!


- Not that flower! The other one! - Which one?


- That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower!


That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower


made of millions of bees!


Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.


Rotate around it.


- This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly.


Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern?


Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse!


Just drop it. Be a part of it.


Aim for the center!


Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!


Oome on, already.


Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly!


- Yes. No high-five! - Right.


Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower?


What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius!


- Thank you. - But we're not done yet.


Listen, everyone!


This runway is covered with the last pollen


from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth.


That means this is our last chance.


We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this.


If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say?


Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains?


We're bees!


Keychain!


Then follow me! Except Keychain.


Hold on, Barry. Here.


You've earned this.


Yeah!


I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.


Oh, yeah.


That's our Barry.


Mom! The bees are back!


If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time.


I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight!


Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next?


Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.


Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel!


Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat!


I had no idea.


Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment?


Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you.


Sorry I'm late.


He's a lawyer too?


I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase.


Have a great afternoon!


Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere.


No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me.


You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next?


All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly.


Thank you, Barry!


That bee is living my life!


Let it go, Kenny.


- When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go.


- Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is.


Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office.


You have got to start thinking bee, my friend.


- Thinking bee! - Me?


Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here?


I'm not making a major life decision during a production number!


All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys.


I had virtually no rehearsal for that.


he roars a mighty roar

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.

But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only

be broken by love's first kiss.

She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing

dragon.

Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,

but non prevailed.

She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest

tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

{Laughing}

Like that's ever gonna happen.

{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}

What a load of -


Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'

Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey, now You're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait till you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire

How 'bout yours

That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Hey, now, you're an all-star

{Shouting}

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

{Belches}

Go!

Go!

{Record Scratching}

Go. Go.Go.

Hey, now, you're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold


-Think it's in there?

-All right. Let's get it!

-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.

{Laughs}

-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.

Now, ogres - - They're much worse.

They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

-No!

-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!

Actually, it's quite good on toast.

-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

{Gasping}

-Right.

{Roaring}

{Shouting}

{Roaring}

{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.

{Gasping}

{Laughs}

{Laughing} And stay out!

"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."

{Sighs}

{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.

-Take it away!

{Gasps}

-Move it along. Come on! Get up!

-Next!

-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.

That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

-Get up! Come on!

-Twenty pieces.

{Thudding}

-Sit down there!

-Keep quiet!

{Crying}

-This cage is too small.

-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.

I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh!

-Next!

-What have you got?

-This little wooden puppet.

-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.

-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

-Father, please! Don't let them do this!

-Help me!

-Next! What have you got?

-Well, I've got a talking donkey.

{Grunts}

-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

-Oh, go ahead, little fella.

-Well?

-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.

He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -

-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.

I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

-Get her out of my sight.

-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

{Gasps}

-Hey! I can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can talk!

-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly

but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!

Oh-oh.

{Grunts}

-Seize him!

-After him! He's getting away!

{Grunts, Gasps}

{Man}

-Get him! This way! Turn!

-You there. Orge!

-Aye?

-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under

arrest

and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.

-Oh, really? You and what army?

{Gasps, Whimpering}

{Chuckles}

-Can I say something to you?

-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.

Incredible!

Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!

-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great

back here? Those guards!

They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They

was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made

me feel good to see that.

-Oh, that's great. Really.

-Man, it's good to be free.

-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?

Hmm?

-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by

myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.

You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit

out of anybody that crosses us.

{Roaring}

-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that

don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you

definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!

You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -

{Mumbling}

Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my

butt that day.

-Why are you following me?

-I'll tell you why.


'Cause I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

My promlems have all gone

There's no one to deride me

But you gotta heve friends - -


-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.

-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

-Uh - - Really tall?

-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't

that bother you?

-Nope.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Oh.

-Man, I like you. What's you name?

-Uh, Shrek.

-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?

You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.

Who'd want to live in place like that?

-That would be my home.

-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a

decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I

like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

-I like my privacy.

-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I

hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them

a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

-Can I stay with you?

-Uh, what?

-Can I stay with you, please?

-Of course!

-Really?

-No.

-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to

be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta

stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

-Okay! Okay! But one night only.

-Ah! Thank you!

-What are you - - No! No!

-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,

and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

-Oh!

-Where do, uh, I sleep?

-Outside!

-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you

don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.

{Sniffles}

-Here I go.

-Good night.

{Sighs}

-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.

I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,

outside.


I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

{Bubbling}

{Sighs}

{Creaking}

{Sighs}

-I thought I told you to stay outside.

-I'm outside.

{Clattering}

-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we

have?

-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.

-What a lovely bed.

-Got ya.

{Sniffs} I found some cheese.

-Ow! {Grunts}

-Blah! Awful stuff.

-Is that you, Gorder?

-How did you know?

-Enough! What are you doing in my house?

{Grunts}

-Hey!

{Snickers}

-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.

-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.

-Huh?

{Gusps}

{Male voice} What?

-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I

have to do get a little privacy?

-Aah!

-Oh, no. No! No!

{Cackling}

-What?

-Quit it.

-Don't push.

{Squeaking}

{Lows}

- What are you doing in my swamp?

{Echoing}

Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!

{Gasping}

-Oh, dear!

-Whoa!

-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!

Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!

-Quickly. Come on!

-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.

-Oh!

{Sighs}

-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.

-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.

-What?

-We were forced to come here.

-By who?

-Lord Farquaad.

-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.

{Sighs}

-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

{Murmuring}

-Oh, I do. I know where he is.

-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?

-Me! Me!

-Anyone?

-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!

{Sighs}

-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.

Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy

Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came

from!

{Cheering}

{Twittering}

-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.

- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two

stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!

-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.

-Hey. Oh, oh!

-I can't wait to get on the road again.

-What did I say about singing?

-Can I whistle?

-No.

-Can I hum it?

-All right, hum it.

{Humming}


{Grunts}

{Whimpering}

-That's enough. He's ready to talk.

{Coughing}

{Laughing}

{Clears throat}

-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the

gingerbread man!

-You are a monster.

-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy

tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the

others?

-Eat me!{Grunts}

-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached

its end! Tell me or I'll - -

-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.

-All right then. Who's hiding them?

-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man.

-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?

-Well, she's married to the muffin man.

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man!

-She's married to the muffin man.

{Door opens}

-My lord! We found it.

-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

{Man grunting}

{Gasping}

-Oh!

-Magic mirror - -

-Don't tell him anything!

-No!

{Ginerbread man whispers}

-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect

kingdom of them all?

-Well, technically you're not a king.

-Uh, Thelonius.

-You were saying?

-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All

you have to do is marry a princess.

-Go on.

{Chuckles}

-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to

meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette

number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.

She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking

and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.

-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of

fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just

kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come

on. Give it up for Snow White!

-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a

fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling

lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes

pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,

Princess Fiona!

-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or

bachelorette number three?

-Two! Two!

-Three! Three!

-Two! Two!

-Three!

-Three? One?

{Shudders} Three?

--Three! Pick number three, my lord!

-Okay, okay, uh, number three!

-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.


If you like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain


-Princess Fiona.


If you're not into yoga


-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -

-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.

-I'll do it.

-Yes, but after sunset - -

-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will

finally have the perfect king!

Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.


-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd

find it.

-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.

-Uh-huh. That's the place.

-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?

{Laughs}

{Groans}

-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.

-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.

-Hey, you!

{Screams}

-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -

{Whimpering}

{Sighs}

{Whimpering, Groans}

{Turnstile clatters}

{Chuckles}

{Sighs}

-It's quiet. Too quiet.

{Creaking}

-Where is everybody?

-Hey, look at this!

{Clattering, whirring, clicking}

Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town

Here we have some rules

Let us lay them down

Don't make waves, stay in line

And we'll get along fine

DuLoc is perfect place

Please keep off of the grass

Shine your shoes, wipe your... face

DuLoc is, DuLoc is

DuLoc is perfect ...... place

{Camera shutter clicks

{Whirring}

-Wow! Let's do that again!

-No. No. No, no, no! No.

{Trumpet fanfare}

{Crowd cheering}

-Brave knights.

-You are the best and brightest in all the land.

-Today one of you shall prove himself - -

-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

-Sorry about that.

{Cheering}

-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go

forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the

dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first

runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae

die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

{Cheering}

-Let the tournament begin!

{Gasps}

-Oh!

-What is that?

{Gasping}

-It's hideous!

-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.

-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named

champion! Have it him!

-Get him!

-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.

-Go ahead! Get him!

-Can't we just settle this over a pint?

-Kill the beast!

-No? All right then. Come on!


I don't give a damn about my reputation

You're living in the past

It's a new generation


-Damn!

{Whinnying}


A girl can do what she wants to do

And that's what I'm gonna do

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me


-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!


And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Never said I wanted to improve my station


-Ah!

{Laughs}


And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun


-Yeah!


And I don't have to please no one


-The chair! Give him the chair!


And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me

{Bell dings}

{Cheering}

{Laughs}

-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till

Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!

{Shrek laughs}

{Crowd gasping, murmuring}

-Shall I give the order, sir?

-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!

-What?

-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great

and noble quest.

-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.

-Your swamp?

-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!

{Crowd murmuring}

-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for

me, and I'll give you your swamp back.

-Exactly the way it was?

-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.

-And the squatters?

-As good as gone.

-What kind of quest?

-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a

princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only

don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.

-Is that about right?

-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on

him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make

your bread, the whole orge trip.

-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and

put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and

drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?

-Uh, no, not really, no.

-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.

-Example?

-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.

-{Sniffs} They stink?

-Yes - - No!

-They make you cry?

-No!

-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little

white hairs.

-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have

layers. You get it? We both have layers.

{Sighs}

-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes

onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.

-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.

-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a

person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like

no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.

-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like

onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.

-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or

something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start

slobbering.


I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

And everything that you receive up yonder

Is what you give to me the day I wander

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

I'm on my way


-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?

-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was

open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's

brimstone We must be getting close.

-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I

know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone

neither.

{Rumbling}

-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.

{Laughing}

-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?

-Oh, aye.

-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have

layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.

-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.

-You know what I mean.

-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.

-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over

a boiling like of lava!

-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional

support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step

at a time.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.

-Just keep moving. And don't look down.

-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on

moving. Don't look down.

{Gasps}

-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,

please!

-But you're already halfway.

-But I know that half is safe!

-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.

-Shrek, no! Wait!

-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?

-Don't do that!

-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?

-Oh, this?

-Yes, that!

-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.

{Screams}

-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!

-You said do it! I'm doin' it.

-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!

-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

-Cool.

-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?

-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.

{Chuckles}

-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

{Water dripping, wind howling}

-You afraid?

-No.

-But - -

- Shh.

-Oh, good. Me neither.

{Gasps}

-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible

response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I

might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and

breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little

scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.

{Gasps}

-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if

you can find any stairs.

-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.

-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest

tower.

-What makes you think she'll be there?

-I read it in a book once.

-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those

stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way

they're goin'.

{Creacing}

-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with

me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a

step right here. I'd step all over it.

-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -

-Dragon!

{Screams}

{Gasps}

{Roars}

-Donkey, look out!

{Screams}

{Whimpering}

-Got ya!

{Roars}

{Gasps}

{Shouts}

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

{Screaming}

{Gasps}

-Oh! Aah! Aah!

{Gasping}

{Crowls}

-No. Oh, no, No!

{Screams}

-Oh, what large teeth you have.

{Crowls}

-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time

from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile

you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know

what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of

course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.

What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.

Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -

(Coughs)

-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna

blow smoke rings. Shrek!

{Gasps}

{Whimpering}

-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

{Groans, Sighs}

{Vocalizing}

-Oh! Oh!

-Wake up!

-What?

-Are you Princess Fiona?

-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!

-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be

a wonderful, romantic moment?

-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out

yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.

-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

-Mm-hmm.

{Screams, grunts}

-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for

me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!

-I don't think so.

-Can I at least know the name of my champion?

-Um, Shrek.

-Sir Shrek.

{Cleans throat}

-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.

-Thanks!

{Roaring}

-You didn't slay the dragon?

-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!

{Screams}

-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,

banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.

-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.

-That's not the point. Oh!

-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.

-Well, I have to save my ass.

-What kind of knight are you?

-One of a kind.

-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to

know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.

{Laughs}

-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not

emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really

is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted

physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back

up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to

know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,

but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -

Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna

tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with

that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!

{Growls}

{Roaring}

{Gasps}

-Hi, Princess!

-It talks!

-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

{Screams}

{Screaming}

-Oh!

{Thuds}

{Groans}

{Roars}

{Roaring}

-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.

{Fchoing}

-Run!

{Gasping}

{Screaming}

{Roaring}

{Screams}

{Roars}

{Panting, sighs}

{Whimpers}

{Roars}

-You did it!

-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.

You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and

thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.

{Clears throat}

-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?

-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a

steed.

-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

-Uh, no.

-Why not?

-I have helmet hair.

-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.

-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.

-But how will you kiss me?

-What? That wasn't in the job description.

-Maybe it's a perk.

-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in

a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then

they share true love's first kiss.

-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you

true love?

-Well, yes.

{Laughing}

-You think Shrek is your true love!

-What is so funny?

-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?

-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your

helmet.

-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.

-Just take off the helmet.

-I'm not going to.

-Take ot off.

-No!

-Now!

-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.

-You- - You're a- - an orge.

-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.

-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed

to be an orge.

{Sighs}

-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the

one who wants to marry you.

-Then why didn't he come rescue me?

-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.

-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -

his pet.

-So much for noble steed.

-You're not making my job any easier.

-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad

that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right

here.

-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.

-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!

-Ya comin', Donkey?

-I'm right behind ya.

-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not

dignified! Put me down!

-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,

right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down

real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a

crisp and eaten?

-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what

happens when you find your - - Hey!

{Sighs}

-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.

-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!

-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?

-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in

short supply.

{Laughs}

-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.

-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never

measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the

"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.

-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?

-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.

-But there's robbers in the woods.

-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.

-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this

forest.

-I need to find somewhere to camp now!

{Birds wings fluttering}

{Grunting}

-Hey! Over here.

-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a

princess.

-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.

-Homey touches? Like what?

{Crashing}

-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.

-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.

-I said good night!

-Shrek, What are you doing?

{Laughs}

-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

{Fire cracking}

-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over

three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.

-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?

-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,

there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.

-I know you're making this up.

-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away

from his stench.

-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.

-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?

Forget it.

{Sighs}

-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?

-Our swamp?

-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.

-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my

swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my

land.

-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what

I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody

out.

-No, do ya think?

-Are you hidin' something?

-Never mind, Donkey.

-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?

-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.

-Why don't you want to talk about it?

-Why do you want to talk about it?

-Why are you blocking?

-I'm not blocking.

-Oh, yes, you are.

-Donkey, I'm warning you.

-Who you trying to keep out?

-Everyone! Okay?

-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.

-Oh! For the love of Pete!

-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?

-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that

seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.

"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they

even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.

-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,

stupid, ugly orge.

-Yeah, I know.

-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?

-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.

-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one

there?

-That's the moon.

-Oh, okay.


{Orchestra}

{Dulcimer}

-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the

princess.

-Hmph.

-Ah. Perfect.

{Inhales}


{Snoring}

{Vocalizing}

{Whistling}

{Sizzling}

{Sniffs, yawns}

-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.

--Come on, baby. I said I like it.

-Donkey, wake up.

-Huh? What?

-Wake up.

-What?

-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?

-Good morning, Princess!

-What's all this about?

-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to

make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

-Uh, thanks.

{Sniffs}

-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{Belches}

-Shrek!

-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}

-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.

{Belches}

-Thanks.

-She's as nasty as you are.

-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.

-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.

{Vocalizing}


-La liberte! Hey!

-Princess!

{Laughs}

-What are you doing?

-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from

this green - -

{Kissing sounds}

-beast.

-Hey!

-That's my princess! Go find you own!

-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!

-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry

Men.

{Laughs}


{Accordion}

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

I steal from the rich and give to the needy.

He takes a wee percentage,

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels

Man, I'm good

What a guy, Monsieur Hood

Break it down

I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid

What he's basically saying

is he likes to get - -

Paid

So

When an orge in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush

That's bad

That's bad

When a beauty's with a beast

it makes me awfully mad

He's mad

He's really, really mad

I'll take my blade and

ram it through your heart

Keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start


{Grunts, Groans}

{Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping}

{Panting}

-Man, that was annoying!

-Oh, you little- -

{Karate Yell}

{Accordion}

{Shouting, groaning}

{Chuckles}

-Uh, shall we?

-Hold the phone.

{Grunts}

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

-What?

-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these

things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!

-What? Oh, would you look at that?

-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

-Why? What's wrong?

-Shrek's hurt.

-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.

-Donkey, I'm okay.

-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep

you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the

Heimlich?

-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and

find me a blue flower with red thorns.

-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.

Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!

-{Both} Donkey!

-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

-What are the flowers for?

-For getting rid of Donkey.

-Ah.

-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.

-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.

-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

-No, it's tender.

-Now, hold on.

-What you're doing is the opposite of help.

-Don't move.

-Look, time out.

-Would you - -

{Grunts}

-Okay. What do you propose we do?

-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red

thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue

flower, red thorns.

-Ow!

-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!

-Ow! Not good.

-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.

{Grunts}

-It's just about - -

-Ow! Ohh!

-Ahem.

-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -

-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?

-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was

just- - Ugh!

-Ow!

-Hey, what's that?

{Nervous chickle}

-That's- - Is that blood?

{Sighs}

{Bird chirping}

{Grunts}


My beloved monster and me

We go everywhere together

Wearin' a raincoat

that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather


-Aah!


She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world

that's so damn mean

{Croaks}

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la

{Both laughing}

La-la, la-la, la-la


-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.

-That's DuLoc?

-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for

something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!

-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.

-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.

{Blubbering}

-What?

-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.

-What are you talking about? I'm fine.

-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on

your back. Dead.

-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?

-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and

when I turn my head like this, look,

{Bones crunch}

-Ow! See?

-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

-I'll get the firewood.

-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any

toes! I think I need a hug.


-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.

-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I

make a mean weedrat stew.

{Chuckling}

{Sighs}

-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}


See the pyramids along the Nile


-Um, Princess?


Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle


-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.


Just remember, darling all the while


-Are you- -


You belong to me


{Sighs}

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

-What?

-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,

aren't you?

-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until

- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

{Shrek sighs} 

-Good night.

-Good night.

{Door creaks}

-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.

-Oh, what are you talkin' about?

-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.

And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.

-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.

-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in

and tell her how you feel.

-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,

well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a

princess, and I'm - -

-An orge?

-Yeah. An orge.

-Hey, where you goin'?

-To get... move firewood.

{Sighs}


-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?

{Wings fluttering}

-Princess?

{Creaking}

{Gasps}

-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.

{Screams}

-Aah!

-Oh, no!

-No, help!

-Shh!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-No, it's okay. It's okay.

-What did you do with the princess?

-Donkey, I'm the princess.

-Aah!

-It's me, in this body.

-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?

-Donkey!

-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!

-No!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-Shh.

-Shrek!

-This is me.

{Muffled mumbling}

-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.

-I'm ugly, okay?

-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats

was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -

-No.

-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.

-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.

-It's only happens when sun goes down.

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you

find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."

-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.

-It's a spell.

{Sighs}

-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I

become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to

await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry

Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.

{Sobs}

-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not

that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look

like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.

-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant

to look.

-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?

-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.

-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you

got a lot in common.

-Shrek?


-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for

me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's

pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might

like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -

-

{Sighs}

-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.

-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I

mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?

"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here

with Shrek.

{Gasps}

-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.

{Deep sigh}

-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only

way to break the spell.

-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.

-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.

-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?

-Promise you won't tell. Promise!

-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know

before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.

-Look at my eye twitchin'.

{Door opens}

{Snoring}

-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.

-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -

{Snoring}

-Shrek. Are you all right?

-Perfect! Never been better.

-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.

-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last

night.

-You heard what I said?

-Every word.

-I thought you'd understand.

-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly

beast?"

-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.

-Yeah? Well, it does.

{Gasps, sighs}

-Ah, right on time.

{Horse whinnies}

-Princess, I've brought you a little something.

{Fanfare}

{Yawns}

-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?

{Muffled}

-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.

-Princess Fiona.

-As promised. Now hand it over.

-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.

-Take it and go before I change my mind.

-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I

have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.

-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.

{Snaps fingers}

-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.

-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the

orge. It's not like it has feelings.

-No, you're right. It doesn't.

-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in

marriage.

{Gasps}

-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?

-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -

-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!

-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun

sets.

-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's

so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest

list. Captain, round up some guests!

-Fare-thee-well, orge.

-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.

-Yeah? So what?

-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to

her last night, She's - -

-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?

Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?

-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.

-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!

My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,

pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!

-But I thought - -

-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!

-Shrek.


I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do ya

It goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall the major lift

The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before

I know this room I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

And all I ever learned from love

Is how to shoot at someone

Who outdrew you

{Moaning}

And it's not a cry you can hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

{Moaning}

Hallelujah, hallelujah


{Thumping sound}

-Donkey?

{Grunts}

-What are you doing?

-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see

one.

-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not

through it.

-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.

-Oh! Your half. Hmm.

-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I

get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks

like your head.

-Back off!

-No, you back off.

-This is my swamp!

-Our swamp.

-Let go, Donkey!

-You let go.

-Stubborn jackass!

-Smelly orge.

-Fine!

-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.

-Well, I'm through with you.

-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess

what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are

mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!

You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.

-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?

-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!

-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in

the back!

-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your

own feelings.

-Go away!

-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she

ever do was like you, maybe even love you.

-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of

you talking.

-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody

else.

-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?

-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.

Right? Right?

-Donkey!

-No!

-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?

{Sighs}

-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you

forgive me?

-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?

-Right. Friends?

-Friends.

-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?

-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?

-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.

-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I

have a way.

{Whistles}

-Donkey?

-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.

{Laughing}

-Aw, come here, you.

-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.

All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install

the seat belts yet.

-Whoo!

{Bells tolling}

{All gasping}

-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....

-Um-

-of our new king - -

-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?

{Chuckling}

-Go on.

-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about

that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't

you?

-What are you talking about?

-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak

now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"

-I don't have time for this!

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this

woman, don't you?

-Yes.

-You wanna hold her?

-Yes.

-Please her?

-Yes!

-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that

romantic crap!

-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?

-We gotta check it out.


-And so, by the power vested in me,

-What do you see?

-The whole town's in there.

-I now pronounce you husband and wife,

-They're at the altar.

-king and queen.

-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.

-Oh, for the love of Pete!

{Grunts}

-I object!

-Shrek?

{Gasps}

-Oh, now what does he want?

-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.

Very clean.

-What are you doing here?

-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but

showing up uninvited to a wedding - -

-Fiona! I need to talk to you.

-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll

excuse me - -

-But you can't marry him.

-And why not?

-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.

-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.

-He's not your true love.

-And what do you know about true love?

-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!

Oh, good Lord.

{Crowd laughting}

-An orge and a princess!

-Shrek, is this true?

-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away

from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!

-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.

{Whimpers}

{Crown gasping}

-Well, uh, that explains a lot.

-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of

my sight now! Get them! Get them both!

-No, no!

-Shrek!

-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that

makes me king! See? See?

-No, let go of me! Shrek!

-No!

-Don't just stand there, you morons.

-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and

quartered!

-You'll beg for death to save you!

-No, Shrek!

-And as for you, my wife,

-Fiona!

-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!

-I'm king!

{Whistles}

-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!

-Aah!

-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to

use it.

{Roars}

-I'm a donkey on the edge!

{Belches}

-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?

{Cheering}

-Go ahead, Shrek.

-Uh, Fiona?

-Yes, Shrek?

-I - - I love you.

-Really?

-Really, really.

- I love you too.

-Aawww!

-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true

form."

-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."

-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?

-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

-But you ARE beautiful.

{Chuckles}

-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.


I thought love was only true in fairy tales

Oy!

Meant for someone else but not for me

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted all my dreams

And then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer and not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

Ooh-aah

I'm a believer I couldn't leave her

If I tried


-God bless us, every one.


Come on, y'all!

Then I saw her face

Ha-ha

Now I'm a believer

Listen!

Not a trace

Of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

Ooh-aah

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

-Ooh!

-Uh!

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Hey!

Not a trace

Uhh! Yeah.

Of doubt in my mind


-One more time!

I'm in love

I'm a believer

Come on!

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey

Y'all sing it with me!

I

Believe

I believe

People in the back!

I believe

I'm a believer

I believe

I believe

I believe

I believe

{Hysterical laughing}

-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.

-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.


I believe in self-assertion

Destiny or a slight diversion

Now it seems I've got my head on straight

I'm a freak an apparition

Seems I've made the right decision

To try to turn back now it might be too late


Now I want to stay home today

Don't wanna go out

If anyone comes to play

Gonna get thrown out

I wanna stay home today

Don't want no company

No way

Yeah, yeah, yeah


I wanna be a millionaire someday

But know what it feels like to give it away

Watch me march to the beat of my own drum

And it's off to the moon and then back again

Same old day Same situation

My happiness rears back as if to say


I wanna stay home today

Don't wanna go out

If anyone comes to play

Gonna get thrown out

I wanna stay home today

Don't want no company

No way

Yeah, yeah, yeah


I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........



I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes

My heart skips a beat

Girl, I feel so alive

Please tell me, baby, if all this is true

'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you

Oh-oh-oh

Makes me wanna dance

Oh-oh-oh

It's a new romance

Oh-oh-oh

I look into your eyes

Oh-oh-oh

The best years of our lives

When we first met

I could hardly believe

The things that would happen

and we could achieve

So let's be together

for all of our time

Oh, girl, I'm so thankful

that you are still mine

You always consider me

like an ugly duckling

And treat me like a Nostradamus

was why I had to get my shine on

I break a little something

to keep my mind on

'Cause you had my mind gone

Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh

Turn the lights on, Come on, baby

Let's just rewind the song

'Cause all I want to do is

make the rest years the best years

All night long


Oh-oh-oh

Makes me wanna dance

Makes me wanna dance

Oh-oh-oh

It's a new romance

It's a new romance

Oh-oh-oh

I look into your eyes

Oh, yeah, yeah

I look into your eyes

Oh-oh-oh

The best years of our lives

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............



Everything looks bright

Standing in your light

Everything feels right

What's left is out of sight

What's a girl to do

I'm telling you

You're on my mind

I wanna be with you

'Cause when you're

standin' next to me

It's like wow

And all your kisses

seem to set me free

It's like wow

And when we touch

it's such a rush

I can't get enough

It's like- - It's like

Ooh-ooh

Hey, what

It's like wow

Ooh-ooh, hey

Hey, yeah

It's like wow

Everything is looking

right now, right now

It's like wow

And I got this feeling

This feeling

it's just like wow

It's just like wow

You are all I'm thinking of.

Like wow

Everything feels right

Everything feels right

Like wow

Everything looks bright

All my senses are right

Like wow

Everything feels right

Baby, baby, baby

the way I'm feeling you

Is like wow


There is something

that I see

In the way

you look at me

There's a smile

There's a truth

In your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

Could it be

This is where I belong

It is you I have loved

All long

There's no more mystery

It is finally clear to me

You're the home

my heart's searched for

So long

It is you I have loved

All long

Whoa, over and over

I'm filled with emotion

As I look

Into your perfect face

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